Transgendered Feminism // THIS BOY IS A BOTTOM

There’s all this talk in the world of “feminism” about whether or not transgendered ladies should be allowed to be included in the “movement.”

I’ll be honest. For most of my life, I’ve really hated the word feminism; its connotation always felt as dark and dirty as a rectal prolapse. I grew up in a time when feminists seemed to be anti-porn, men-hating, penis-hating, unsexy, unFEMININE women I just assumed really needed to cum. I considered the feminist movement similar to the Black Panthers, fighting on the extreme side of the pendulum, which perhaps at the time, may have been necessary in some ways to tear into the unjust world of inequality. But as we evolve to a place closer toward the middle, closer to a place of balance, it’s time to rethink and re-frame what this word and movement really mean. As many of my modern day contemporaries have suggested, if you’re a woman enjoying the right to vote, work, drive, and to not be sold or treated like property, you’re automatically a feminist. So, if I’m going to accept and swallow that word as part of my existence as a woman, much less be a part of any type of movement, it needs new definition and connotation: equality. That’s all any of us want at the end of the day. Is it not? We’re not completely there yet; I acknowledge there is still more work to be done. But it’s frustrating and sad so many other women have TAINTed the word feminism. The modern ideal and definition of it should simply be equality.

Therefore, shouldn’t we all be working to help transgendered folks achieve equality too? Isn’t being compassionate at the heart of our feminine energy?

So why on earth are these antiquated so-called “feminists” being all anti-transgendered? Most trannies can do hair and make-up better than I can. And guess what? I had a vintage Chanel dress I wore on New Year’s Eve that I was determined to wear. But my boobs wouldn’t fit it. And you know who taught me how to make them fit … how to make them WERQ!? A TRANNY! Yes, SHE helped me accentuate one of the most glorious wonderful parts of being a woman better than any of my born-female fashion designer friends could. (To see how I gave myself the best cheapest fake boob job ever, read here.) For the record, I love and accept my itty bitty titties—I just loved the dress too.

As Caitlin Moran, author of How To Be A Woman, is quoted in this article,

“I think the relationship between feminism and transgender women should be absolutely sympathetic, arms-slung-around-shoulders and all-on-the-same-side. We’re all gunning for the same thing — equality, feeling comfortable in our own skin, not automatically cringing or feeling unworthy or ‘other.'”

So to my trannies, my gays, my bi-sexuals, my heteros, my a-sexuals, my crossdressers, my men, my women, my hermaphrodites, my tops, my bottoms (whose assholes may or may not be “medium rare”), my versatiles, my BDSM hommies, my subs and doms, my ladies who love strap-ons and the men that love them (and butt plugs): I offer you unconditional love and acceptance. It’s your life and you only get one, so live it like it motherf*cking counts!

Now it’s time to jam out to this gem!!!

P.S. —> I LOVE YOU WILLAM BELLI!

Have a question or comment? Email: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com

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A BDSM Secret Revealed, Does Size Really Matter And Did He Give Me Genital Warts?

Have a question for Ms. M.?  Email: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com

Dear Ms. M.,

I am a 34 year old female in relationship with a 31 year old male.  We have been together for the past seven months.  I just found he is into BDSM lifestyle.  I have never done that and not really into it but recently we concluded he can’t maintain an erection or get his rocks off any other way.  What do I do?

Seven months in, and you’re only now hearing of this?  Perhaps this shines a bigger light on the fact there is an obvious lack of communication in your relationship.

Your question, however, does draw attention to a bigger issue within dating culture.  Many people don’t acknowledge sexual compatibility is important, sometimes even vital for a happy healthy relationship, and therefore, it’s not openly discussed as soon as it should be.  Since discussing the last porn video we exploded to on a first date isn’t exactly kosher, I can understand this to some extent.  But seven months is a long time to go without discussing your sexualities, fantasies, and desires.  Can you imagine being with someone for seven months, and never having discussed your favorite foods or favorite music?

You have three options.

  • Try out the BDSM lifestyle.  Who knows – you might be surprised, and it might even grow on you (pun intended).  But be sure to set up some rules of engagement first so you feel comfortable and safe.  Having a safety word that lets your partner know when you’ve reached or surpassed your threshold is always a great idea.
  • Stay with him … until the insecurities of not fulfilling his sexual desires drive you mad.  You’ll wonder if he’s cheating and likely feel inadequate in addition to not getting your own sexual needs met.  The feeling that you can’t satisfy your partner sets you up for disappointment and a rocky relationship.
  • Leave him.  Next time you start dating someone, have the talk about your sexualities, likes and dislikes, sense of adventure, and openness much sooner than seven months in – it will save you from another difficult situation like this one and hopefully lead you to someone with whom you’re sexually compatible.

Best of Luck,

Ms. M.

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Hello Ms. M.,

If most women need clitoral stimulation to get off anyway, does size really matter?

That’s equivalent to asking, “If most women like ice cream, does the flavor really matter?”  It’s a complicated question, based on individual preferences, not a generalization based on gender. 

To answer your question: yes and no.  If you’re an expert at giving a particular partner earth shattering orgasms orally and that happens to be the best way she reaches climax, then perhaps size won’t matter as much to her.  But keep in mind, just because your refined oral skills work on one girl, doesn’t mean they’ll have the same effect on another. 

If she’s a gal who needs a specific angle, pressure, and time to work up to an orgasm with your cock inside of her, it’s possible size can make a difference.  You see, the majority of the clitoris is actually internal, not external.  Size can matter, depending on her unique and individual anatomy.  When your penis is inside her vagina, it is stimulating her internal clitoris, which becomes engorged encompassing the vagina – sort of hugging it.  What most people refer to as vaginal orgasms are simply internal clitoral orgasms – society’s beliefs and ways of articulating things just haven’t caught up with science yet (which by the way, didn’t give us this information until the first sonogram of an internal erect clitoris was performed in 2009).  To learn more, check out my article on the Internal Clitoris.

(((Big Hug))),

Ms. M.

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Ms. M.,

I am gay and furious.  My boyfriend just told me he has genital warts.   A) Does this mean he’s cheating?  B) Did that asshole give me something?

Dear Gay and Furious,

Genital warts are caused from the human papillomavirus (HPV), the most common STI there is.  In fact, in the US alone the lifetime risk of acquiring HPV is 75% for sexually active adults; world wide it is 80-85%.  There are 40 different types, or strains, of HPV that can infect the genital areas.  Some strains cause warts, other strains lead to various cancers if not caught in time, the most common of which is cervical cancer.  Less common cancers that can be caused by HPV include cancer of the vulva, vagina, penis, anus, and oropharynx (back of throat including base of tongue and tonsils).  The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same types of HPV that cause cancer.

Many people never show symptoms and therefore never know they have it.  Warts typically appear within three weeks to six months after sexual contact with an infected person, but they can also take years to appear.  So to answer your question – no, his warts are not valid proof he’s cheating on you.  In fact, if he’s being honest and communicating with you about all of this, as embarrassing as it is for him, I’d see it as a good sign that he obviously cares about you and your safety.

Yes, it’s possible you have contracted HPV from him, but it’s so common if you’ve had sex or even skin-to-skin genital contact with more than two people in your lifetime, odds are you’ve come into contact with the virus before.  The good news is that in 70% of cases the body’s immune system clears the HPV infection naturally within one year; give it two years that statistic shoots up to 90%.

Definitely get checked out ASAP.  Your doctor may perform a visual examination of your penis, an anal pap smear, and throat examination.  In addition, you should also inquire about getting vaccinated with Gardasil.  It protects against the four strains of HPV linked to 70% of cancers caused by the virus, and most types of HPV that cause of genital warts.

Love Always,

Ms. M.

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