Dedicated to the greatest most amazing phenomenal woman I know, without whom, I would be nothing. Thank you, Grace.
A couple of days ago I noticed an ad in the Union Square subway station that featured a hipster looking girl wearing a skirt and glasses. I don’t recall what the ad was for, but someone had drawn a speech balloon next to her face, and inside it wrote, “I love cock.”
I thought to myself, why wouldn’t you want a girl who loves cock? What’s wrong with loving cock … unless of course, you’re a lesbian? Society expects women to please men more than it expects men to please women and there is something inherently wrong with that—especially when, as women, we’re mocked for loving something as natural as sex or cock. Why is loving cock a bad thing? It’s like we’re damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. I would hope your girlfriend, wife, or partner loves your cock, otherwise you must have a terribly mundane and horrible sex life. Doesn’t everybody who isn’t asexual want a rockin’ sex life? I mean, sex, drugs, rock-n-roll—they’re all fucking awesome.
As I walked home, I started thinking about how retarded and unjust it is that women who are stopped by the NYPD can be arrested for prostitution based solely on the circumstantial evidence of carrying a condom. A recent article by Molly Crabapple in Vice brought this to my attention and it absolutely horrified me to hear the various stories she uncovered. How many times have I been walking to one of my speaking engagements at a school or university, always looking fierce and fabulous, and always carrying condoms on me to distribute to students. As my attorney often says, “No good deed goes unpunished.” I mean, it’s like Victorian era England, when women were arrested for walking around after dark because that automatically deemed them whores. It’s 2013. WTF? A woman shouldn’t be shamed, much less arrested, for loving cock or carrying condoms. She’s being smart and safe, sex worker or not, and that should be rewarded by society, not condemned.
I began thinking about how ridiculous it is we’ve had to fight so hard simply for the right to choose what we do with our bodies and for the right to have birth control covered by our health insurance providers. This is America. Why shouldn’t I have the simple freedom of choosing what I do with my life and my body? I’ll tell you who the real pussies are: men who are afraid of feminine power and who try to oppress us. Real men are the ones who nurture us, respect us, adore us, and love us as equals; who value our pleasure as much as their own. We’ve had to work so hard, simply to have some rights as to what we can and can’t do with our bodies and our lives, and in this day and age, it appalls me the fight still continues in a country founded upon freedom and individual choice.
Then today I saw a TED talk that really put everything into perspective. It made me realize that although it may seem like we have a tough fight here in America with all of our little-dicked, petrified-of-female-pleasure, conservative politicians, elsewhere in the world it’s actually much worse.
You see, a little girl in Kenya had to make a deal with her father at a very young age. Kakenya Ntaiya agreed to undergo the Massai ceremonial practice of female genital mutilation in exchange for further education. She didn’t want to stop going to school and get married at twelve years old like most girls traditionally do in her village. She didn’t want to be subservient and abused and beaten like her mother had been. She wanted a better life, and so she sacrificed a part of her body in order to do so.
She was allowed to continue through high school in her village, and then with great determination and persistence, she was able to persuade the elder men of her village to support her decision to go to college in the US. Eventually she went to graduate school and worked at the UN before going back home and opening a school for girls. She has since altered the destiny of 125 very lucky little girls, saving them from genital mutilation and also providing them with the opportunity to educate themselves at the school she founded.
All across the world and all across the spectrum, women have been fighting for equality for thousands of years. While I hate the word feminism and many aspects of the feminist movement throughout history, the fact still remains: inequality still exists all over the world and women are still oppressed. All of us (not just women) need to do whatever we can to work toward enlightened equality together.
Side note: I was hanging out with my two guy best friends at their bachelor pad, came out of the bathroom, and declared I had a feminist announcement to make. They looked up big-eyed, bracing themselves.
Just so you know, I put the toilet lid back up because I am respectful of the fact I am in an apartment with all men. Then I washed the shit out of my hands.”
This is what I want the word feminism to represent—respect and equality for all.
I love men, I love cock, and I am proud of it! But I only give my love to a man who loves every part of who I am, respects every part of who I am, and treats me as an equal partner and team player; that is my freedom, and that is my choice.
In celebration of International Women’s Day, I have a call to action for all you ladies out there: stop wasting your time on men who don’t value you or your pleasure. Stop settling for men who don’t respect you and treat you like a queen. But when you do find a REAL man, one who does adore you and respect you and your pleasure, ROCK HIS MOTHERF*CKING WORLD and appreciate the shit out of him.
As women we need to build each other up and support one another. Let’s stop judging looks and appearances, and let’s stop with the gossiping. Let’s begin to appreciate the beauty in each and every one of us. We must encourage, empower, and inspire each other, not just today, but everyday.
Men, do something awesome for the ladies in your lives. We go through a week of bleeding every month and have the ability to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon. Don’t let that threaten you or freak you out, guys. Embrace it. It’s human—just like you.