There is a mask. And urination. And electronic device self-pleasuring (at 6:14 to be precise). Extremely NSFW. Enjoy.

“This Los Angeles-centric video blurs and fuses imageries of anatomy, landscape, technology, pleasure and leisure. The artists unite their shared interest in the performative body via the tropes of burlesque, vernacular of feminism and figurations of sensuality. This video explores the interiorities and externalizations of the corporeal via juicy fruits, hard nuts + hardcore posers. C’mon feel the noize!”

We’re hoping to see more of Narcissister around here…

—

About the Artist
Narcissister is a Brooklyn-based artist and performer. Wearing mask and merkin, she works at the intersection of performance art, burlesque, dance, and visual art. She actively integrates her prior experience as a professional dancer and commercial artist with her current art practices in a range of creative media, including collage, photography, video art, and music. In addition to being a featured performer at The Box, she has presented work in New York at The New Museum, The Kitchen, and at Abrons Art Center and at many nightclubs, galleries, and alternative art spaces. Narcissister was a re-performer of Marina Abramovic’s Luminosity piece as part of The Artist is Present retrospective at MoMA. Her film The Self-Gratifier won an award for “Best Use of a Sex Toy” at The 2008 Good Vibrations Erotic Film Festival. Interested in troubling the divide between popular entertainment and experimental art, Narcissister appeared on America’s Got Talent in 2011. For more information, please visit www.narcissister.com.

Is online dating saving courtship? Will Internet porn kill our sex lives?

This Thursday, May 9th, at 8:00pm EST, we’ll be co-hosting a live Google Hangout with Greatist to focus on sex and relationships in the digital age. We’re enlisting the advice of some of the world’s foremost relationship and sex experts to discuss how the digital age is shaping our romantic lives — for better or for worse.

Join CNN’s Ian Kerner, Salon’s Tracy Clark-Flory, neuroscientist Dr. Ogi Ogas, Museum of Sex curator Sarah Forbes, and Greatist editors as they address your burning questions live from MoSex. So get ready to ask about all things dating and, of course, sex.

The panel will be answering questions from Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and a live audience. Join the Google Hangout to ask your questions. RSVP HERE.

About the Panel

Ian Kerner is a nationally-recognized sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books. He writes a well-known column for CNN and can often be seen on the TODAY Show and the Dr. Oz Show amongst others. Ian is the founder of Good in Bed, an online destination that brings together many of the country’s leading sex and relationship experts to provide information and advice.

Sarah Forbes has worked with the Museum of Sex since 2004. During her tenure at the Museum of Sex she has curated over eleven exhibitions, covering a variety of disciplines such as science, health, art, design, media, and technology. Sarah has been featured in a wide range of publications such as the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, New York Post, El Diario, Time Out New York, Art Daily, Nylon, and Wired. She received an MA in Anthropology from the New School University and a BA in Anthropology from Connecticut College.

Dr. Ogi Ogas received his PhD in computational neuroscience from Boston University and was a Department of Homeland Security Fellow. His writing has been published in the Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Wired, Baltimore Magazine, and Seed.  He used his knowledge of cognition to reach the million dollar question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and battle Ken Jennings in the finals of Grand Slam.

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon, where she writes about sex and relationships through personal, cultural and scientific lenses. Her work, both as a reporter and personal essayist, has appeared in the yearly “Best Sex Writing” anthology.

]]> http://www.museumofsex.com/google-hangout-sex-and-relationships-in-the-digital-age/feed/ 0 http://www.museumofsex.com/wan%c2%b7der%c2%b7lust/ http://www.museumofsex.com/wan%c2%b7der%c2%b7lust/#comments Mon, 06 May 2013 18:26:51 +0000 Lia http://blog.museumofsex.com/?p=5436
See more of Reka Nyari's work at WAN·DER·LUST, a group exhibition currently on view through the end of May at 72 Wooster Street in Soho.]]>

See more of Reka Nyari’s work at WAN·DER·LUST, a group exhibition currently on view through the end of May at 72 Wooster Street in Soho.

About the Artist
Reka Nyari was born in 1979 to a Finnish mother and Hungar
ian father, she started painting even before she could walk or talk. This led her to New York to study painting at SVA at the age of 17. Her love for photography started when she began modeling after graduating from school and traveling and working in Asia and Europe. Reka moved back to NYC in 2004 and shoots fashion editorials, campaigns, CD covers, artistic portraits and erotic photography. Her work has been exhibited in galleries in the US and Europe. See more of her work at www.rekanyari.com.

About WAN·DER·LUST
WAN·DER·LUST is a group exhibition about the irresistible urge to adventure beyond that which is familiar and to travel the boundaries of space and time. The collective narrative in WAN·DER·LUST is informed by the journey’s unknown; inspired by the surprise of any given moment. The work is meant to inspire a state of constant flow and transformation. Through these works on paper, canvas, photography, sculpture and furniture the artists express the human craving for discovery. The work explores artistic expression and collaboration, using every materials and resource to satiate the most basic need for creation and storytelling.

This collection of fine art, experimental photography, unique furniture design and more truly embodies New York City’s underground art scene. The opening preview event on April 16th will feature cutting edge artifacts, fine jewelry, and fashion, in addition to great music and a lively party. This eclectic collection of New York’s artistic spirit will encapsulate in pieces. Be provoked. Be inspired. Experience WAN·DER·LUST.

Follow Ms. M. on Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr.

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Hi Ms. M.,

What is figging?

Thanks,

Joe

Figgin Newton!! Figging is anal play with ginger root. Nowadays, it can also include play in the vagina or male urethra. It’s more commonly practiced within the BDSM lifestyle. As with nearly all practices, different people have different experiences. Sometimes the one being figged can’t clench their butt cheeks around the ginger because to do so causes a burning sensation. Their Dom then enjoys spanking them and watching their cheeks bounce unclenched. Other subs swear by the spectacularly delicious sensations it bestows upon their insides. The overall idea is to be overwhelmed with anticipation, then eventually turned on and raging hot by the new sensations the ginger produces inside the body. Some women say it makes them hornier than ever and brings them to new orgasmic heights. Others say they can’t stand it inside their vagina because it burns too much. If you’re planning to engage in the practice, I’d recommend doing some careful research first to learn how to prepare the ginger root properly so that you don’t hurt yourself or your partner. I do know you’ll want to buy an entire hand of ginger rather than one that’s been precut at the supermarket. Personally, I’d recommend an organic one. Nobody wants pesticides in their orifices! The fresher the ginger root, the better and more potent it will be. Just before use, cut one of the longer fingers off the hand. Peel it and carve it into whatever you wish — many like the shape of a butt plug. Rinse the ginger in cold water to make sure all of its skin is removed. Wash your hands when you’re done cutting and carving since you won’t want to accidentally rub the juice of the ginger on your eyes or your partner’s eyes. Also use lots of cold water with insertion, but never use lube, as that will kill all the natural wonderful sensations.  And if you try it be sure to check back in and let us know how it goes!

Best of Luck,

Ms. M.

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Ms. M.,

I’ve been seeing the same man for nearly a year. I work days and he works nights. I also have a dog to care for so between our schedules and the dog, he has a key to my place and we spend about five nights a week together at mine. Last week I wasn’t feeling very well so I left work early. I tried calling him a couple times to let him know I was on my way but when he didn’t answer I assumed he was still sleeping. When I entered my apartment there was loud music playing. I walked into the bedroom and found him lying on his back with all of my shoes surrounding his naked body and scattered all over my new Pratesi duvet. He was holding one of my shoes over his nose and mouth while his right hand vigorously jerked his cock. But he didn’t stop when he noticed me there. He just jerked harder and made weird moaning sounds I had never heard him make before. It sounded like he was in pain but also utter delight. I was shell-shocked and couldn’t move or speak. His entire body began to shake unlike anything I have ever seen and he ejaculated a gigantic load that blew everywhere on my shoes, my duvet, and my floor. Only the slightest part of me was turned on. Mostly I was pissed his cum splattered all over my patent leather Christian Louboutins and my Burberry rain boots. I fled my apartment, partly disgusted and partly afraid. I also felt extremely betrayed. I didn’t want to wait for the elevator so I took the stairs. I was feeling even more sick at this point and vomited in my stairwell. He called me fifteen minutes later and asked where I wanted to meet him for lunch. He acted as if nothing had happened and neither of us has mentioned it since. We also haven’t had sex since. I will add, while he did put all of my shoes back in my closet, he didn’t do a very good job of cleaning the jizz off my Louboutins or boots. My question is, WTF?

I can understand why learning of your boyfriend’s obvious fetish after “nearly a year” of dating made you feel betrayed. He hasn’t been upfront or honest with you about something that obviously turns him on like mad. There are various fetishes associated with feet and shoes, but most fetishists are clever and highly particular. If he’s never nibbled one of your toes during sex, my guess is that this is less Podophilia (foot fetish) and more Retifism, a shoe fetish.

There are two types of Retifism. The one you, Imelda Marcos, and I share is, “OMG I NEED those amazing sexy shoes NOW! Must buy!” And then there’s the one your boyfriend shares with Marquis de Sade’s rival and 18^th century French novelist, Nicolas-Edme Rétif de la Bretonne — the sexual attraction to shoes, not feet. Many Retifists steal shoes, so you might want to keep a good inventory checklist at all times. They get off on the way the shoes look and feel, but they really get off on the way they smell. And it seems like your guy likes the smell of used shoes, particularly, your used shoes. Since there were boots involved, I would say he’s a pure Retifist rather than into Altocalciphilia, which is a specific attraction to high-heels and a subset of Retifism.

Look, you need to talk about this one way or another. Humor is a great way to break the ice. Come home from work, take off your sweaty shoes, and playfully put one over his nose and declare you want to give him a shoegasm. Or you could surprise him the next time he comes in by leaving a trail of your shoes from the front door to the bed where you’ll be lying naked. Letting him know you’re open to at least trying or accepting his fetish will facilitate an easier more comfortable conversation. Don’t begin the conversation angry, accusatory, or placing blame. Once you’ve had a discussion and you get a sense of how deep his fetish is, then you can decide if it’s something you can live with in your relationship or not. The general rule is, if his sexual functions are normal and healthy when the two of you are having sex, and if you’re satisfied, then this little fetish really shouldn’t be too big of a problem. However, if it turns out he can’t get an erection without one of your dirty shoes in his face, there’s a problem.

Hopefully he’ll have the good sense to apologize for disrespecting your space since it’s not his apartment and he didn’t buy that expensive luxurious Pratesi duvet or those patent leather Chrissy Lou’s. I honestly don’t think it’s the fetish here that’s the issue. It’s the fact he disrespected your home, your things, and more importantly, your relationship by not being honest and upfront with you.

Who knows? After your conversation, you could work this in your favor and request that he purchase one or two new pairs of shoes a month. I’d also request he not put the shoes on the Pratesi duvet. Get a throw to cover it for when he wants to indulge. Or you may just decide this whole situation is not one you wish to continue living with, in which case, the sooner you break it off, the better.

One last tidbit from one non-sexual Retifist to another: you can use Windex and a soft cloth on your patent leather shoes to clean the outside of them. This girl knows. I’ve had one too many drunken dancing gays spill their vodka sodas on my Loubi’s over the years, and Windex works every time!

Love Always,

Ms. M.

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Dear Ms. M.,

Two weeks ago I met an awesome man. On the first night I thought it would be a one-night stand, but we have since spent ten of the past sixteen nights together. He’s into my breasts more than I fancy. I have extremely sensitive nipples but he always insists on sucking and playing with them even more than he kisses me and it gets to the point of being painful. If I ask him to stop he will momentarily, but then he goes back to my nipples. Last week he asked if I had ever used a breast pump. I don’t have children and I’ve never been pregnant so his question baffled me. Then just the other day I could have sworn milk came out of his nipples. My girlfriend said it wasn’t possible and doesn’t believe me but I know what I saw. I am suspecting there’s something not right here. Do you think he could be a transgendered person? Maybe this would explain his obsession with breasts? His body and penis all look normal, but I can’t explain the liquid that came out of his nipples.

-Feeling Like A Boob

Dear FLAB,

While it might perhaps be possible he is transgendered, I highly doubt it. Men have mammary glands and are in fact capable of lactating. Some treatments to combat prostate cancer can cause this as well as hormonal stimulus. Even more rare but possible is male lactation through regular mammary massage and sucking of his nipples over a period of months. To me, it sounds the most likely explanation is that he is a Lactophiliac. He can’t steer clear of sucking your nipples, even when you ask him to stop. He wanted to know if you had ever used a breast pump, and he himself lactates! If this is something you’re into, you’ve struck gold. But if it’s not, run for the hills!

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Hi Ms. M.,

I just moved back to my hometown after five years so I’m crashing with my brother until I find a place. I will admit he is crazy and he’s always been a sexual deviant. Well, for the past three weekends we’ve gone out together and pulled some hotties. I’m the more attractive one so the girls usually go after me and then he somehow winds up tagging along. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t cross swords or anything, but we have been fucking some of the same chicks together. I know he’s not trying to do me or anything weird. I just have better game than him so he uses me to get in on the action instead of putting in the effort himself.

The problem is food. The first time it was whipped cream all over this girl’s nipples. That was funny enough. The next time though, he squirted ketchup all over this girl’s pussy and ate it out of her out while I was face fucking her. It was so gross and I could tell he was doing it on purpose just to fuck with me. Last weekend I was mackin’ on a girl I could tell was really into me. We were all retarded wasted and closed the bar down. We got to her place. She and I started making out and we eventually started fucking. While I was doing her from behind, he started smacking his cock in her face and eventually she blew him. I finished but he didn’t. Instead he walked over to her kitchen, opened the fridge, and pulled out a jar of pickle relish. He grabbed a wooden spoon and without even flinching, popped the handle end of the spoon through the relish lid without taking it off. Then he dumped pickle relish all over the spoon and started putting it in her butt and rubbing it on himself. I was amazed she let him but then she started signaling for me to come over there. I froze. It freaked me out. He left the spoon in her butt and smacked her ass a few times, and then he blew a load in her face. Yesterday I walked in the apartment with my friend and we caught him jerking off with cream of mushroom soup. The box was just sitting there on the counter half full. Like why couldn’t he wait to take it to his bedroom to do his business? I am totally freaked out about this. What is wrong with my brother? Does he need help? What should I do?

-H.J.

Dude, you need to get your own place STAT!! And stop getting “retarded wasted” with your broHAM on the weekends. Find other friends to accompany you all when you’re out together. That way, he’ll be less likely to try leeching on your game. If this continues, one of these days he’s going to use hot sauce or jalapenos or something painful, a girl will cry rape, and you’re both going to be in trouble. No good will come out of this situation.

It sounds like your brother has a good old-fashioned case of sitophilia, or a food fetish. Fetishes are all good so long as they’re safe and consensual. You’re absolutely right that he’s a deviant but not because he’s a sitophiliac. He’s a deviant because he enjoys playing with your mind and the minds of girls you meet; he clearly has no sense of boundaries. You can’t make someone go get help, especially for a fetish. It’s just his thaaaang! All you can do is hope he matures sexually and emotionally in a healthy way. Who knows, maybe your future sister-in-law will have the same fetish, or perhaps for his sake, be a chef! Either way, I’d advise you not to eat anything in his kitchen and keep an eye on him at Thanksgiving and family dinners. It sure does give a whole new meaning to giblet gravy.

There’s a wonderful little thing called boundaries, dear brother, and you need to set some PRONTO. Communicate clearly and affirmatively that you’re done sharing chicks with him. Tell him you’re doing him a favor by not including him in your hook-ups because now he’ll have to perfect his own game to get laid rather than relying on yours. You may also want to add, in a humorous way, that you don’t want to think about his dick every time you sit down to eat. Tell him to stop the bullsh*t while you’re around and have some respect. Then, like I said, get out of there and into your own digs. This is his fetish to work out or to own. Either way, it’s not your problem.

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Have a question for Ms. M.? Email: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com

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Mothers who visit the Museum of Sex on May 12, 2013 will be given FREE ADMISSION and a COMPLIMENTARY CHAMPAGNE COCKTAIL.

This Mother’s Day promotion requires accompanying companion to purchase a full-price admission ticket. Valid May 12, 2013 only. Value of offer: $32. We’ll be open on Mother’s Day from 10:00am – 8:00pm (last ticket sold at 7:15pm). The Museum gift store & bar will be open until 9:00pm. All patrons must be 18 years old to enter museum.

Due to popular demand for this Mother’s Day offer, RSVP is highly recommended. Email us at events(at)museumofsex.com.

For more information about the current exhibitions on view, please visit www.museumofsex.com.

PIPPIN is back on Broadway for the first time since it thrilled audiences 40 years ago, and now it’s nominated for 10 Tony Awards® including Best Musical Revival! With a beloved score by Tony nominee Stephen Schwartz (Wicked, Godspell), PIPPIN tells the story of a young prince on a death-defying journey to find meaning in his existence. Will he choose a happy but simple life? Or will he risk everything for a singular flash of glory?

Save on tickets to see PIPPIN with special Mosex discount code PIMKT409, which can be redeemed via Broadway Offers through May 22, 2013.

For Tuesday & Wednesday evening performances 5/22:
Select Orchestra & Mezzanine @ $99
Mezzanine Rows H- J (sides) @ $79
Mezzanine Rows K – L (sides) @ $59

Wednesday matinee performances through 5/22:
Select Orchestra & Mezzanine @ $99
Select Mezzanine rows H – J (sides) @ $59

This offer is good through May 22, 2013. All prices include a $2 facility fee. This offer is not valid for Thursday through Sunday performances. Offer can be modified or revoked at any time.

Dr. Blanchette is an adjunct professor of anthropology at the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro, and the authority on discourses of Brazilian sex tourism, trafficking and prostitution. This guest post is an expansion on Senhoraismo e Boa Mocismo, first published in Portuguese on 3/4/13 in omangue:

I have had a tempestuous relationship with the “-isms” I’ve supported during my life.

I was kicked out of the Revolutionary Communist Youth Brigade for my “liberal tendencies”, for example. And, of course, there’s been many an anarchist comrade of mine who has (rightfully) claimed that they are better anarchists than me. Hell, even back when I was a high school student I got 86ed from the Honor Society because its faculty advisor, the basketball coach, was upset that I refused to follow his team to the state playoffs.

In other words, I’ve had a long personal history of not wearing the official t-shirts and getting with the program when it comes to the ideologies and worldviews that I (at least nominally) agree with. So it’s no surprise that over the last few years I’ve become increasingly disenchanted with feminism.

In fact, I have come to question whether unalloyed feminism, in and of itself, serves any useful purpose.

Now don’t get me wrong! Before you call for the revocation of my feminist secret decoder ring, hear me out!

I’m not making one of those republocrat arguments that we no longer need feminism because all the gender-based injustices in the world have been nicely addressed and women are now equal to men, everywhere. Obviously, that’s not the case. Not by a long shot.

I’m also certainly not claiming, as my distaff step-brothers in the Mens’ Rights Movement are wont to do, that “feminism has gone too far” and is now “oppressing men”.

I do believe that something like feminism, or some fourth wave variant of it, highly alloyed in intersectionalist critique with other ideologies, is indeed very necessary (I, personally, subscribe to a queer and anti-racist informed version of anarcho-feminism). The ability to contemplate reality from women’s points of view has never been more important. A critique of gender and the power relations based upon it is still an absolute necessity for anyone attempting to participate in the creation of a more just world.

But what exactly does feminism, qua feminism, stand for these days? Is there any “there” there anymore?

It seems to me that feminism – simple, basic feminism – has become so diluted and simultaneously so fragmented that it, like Christianity, doesn’t have anything coherent left to say. As is the case with Christians, there are plenty of feminists who are doing great work and are fantastic people. But, as is also the case with anyone who says they are a follower of “Our Lord Jesus Christ”, you have to take a step back these days and eye anyone claiming to be a feminist from top to bottom. You need to learn a hell of a lot more about what they believe before you can decide whether or not they’re a potential ally.

It seems to me that there is only one core component left to simple, unalloyed feminism and that’s a heroic vision of women. Note that I’m not saying that this is all there is to all possible feminisms (plural), but it does seem to be the one thing left that links feminists of all stripes.

The problem with this view, of course, is that no social category of human beings, anywhere, anywhen, is uniformly heroic. Women, like men, are creatures that seek power and are often willing to abuse it. And, even in a patriarchal society, there are plenty of power niches reserved for certain kinds of women.

In our rush to proclaim women’s rights and power, we sometimes forget that not everything women say or do is worth applauding. Women, like men, spout a hell of a lot of bullshit and create their share of oppression.

In my work researching prostitution, sexual tourism and trafficking of women, I have come across two kinds of “womenisms” that ascribe to the heroic view of femininity and are thus often well received within basic, vanilla, “one big tent” feminism. I consider these ideological forms to be pernicious and, wherever I see them popping up, I start reaching for my Emma Goldman, Judith Butler, Elizabeth Schüssler-Fiorenza and Kimberlé Crenshaw.

The first of these ideologies might be usefully called “Ladyism”. In a classical patriarchal model, this would be the political/cultural position occupied by the wife of the Patriarch; the Lady of the Manor. This is the ideology of those feminist groups which fight for “decency” and against “obscenity”: it stipulates Big Mother as the final arbiter of all that is decent and decorous in sexuality. It is this sort of ideology which is currently fueling the debate in the Euro Parliament over censoring internet pornography.

“Ladyism” is the worldview of the “madame”, ironized in Brazilian popular music as “not liking samba”, who abuses her domestic employees and seeks a “socially useful” marriage for her daughter while decrying the “shameless sexuality of the youth”. This is the position adopted by the suffragettes of Idaho, among the first American women to achieve the vote and who celebrated that victory by proposing that the franchise be limited to “women of good repute” (whores and single mothers, obviously, didn’t need to apply). It’s the position of Brazilian T.V. mega-star Xuxa who, after three decades of sexualizing young children on her kiddie show, recently “came out” as a “victim of child abuse”, a fact which she claims has prevented her from establishing a stable, monogamous relationship with a man and which presumably led her to perform her first on-screen role in bed with a 12 year old boy.

This is the sort of feminist who thinks that prostitutes should be removed from sex work – forcibly, if necessary – and put to laboring at some sort of productive activity where they’ll be “socially included”: washing clothes, perhaps, or – if they’re Cambodian – making tourist gewgaws for Somaly Mam.

“Ladyism” is, in short, the ideology of the woman who thinks that God and the State is on her side and that all would be well if we could only just imprison, kill or enslave all of those improper deviants, sluts, layabouts and never-do-wells. For the good of their own souls, mind you. Its golden age was probably during slavery in the Americas, but it is rapidly making a comeback, everywhere.

The second heroic womanist ideology that often gets a pass in vanilla feminism is what might be called “Good girlism” (I know: I need to work on my neologisms.)

In a classical patriarchy, this would be the position adopted by the daughter of the house. It is the worldview of the woman (usually young and single) who believes that her sexual/social behavior should logically be translated into political, cultural, or economic privileges for herself. We’re talking the Disney Princesses set here.

This is the stuff Tilly and the Wall sing about in “Pot Kettle Black“. It is expressed in the placards of those women who go to slut marches declaring that they are “neither saints nor whores”,  conveniently forgetting that the entire point of the march is to fight for human rights even for those women who are perceived to be saints or whores. It’s the ideology of those people who feel that it’s necessary to distinguish between eroticism and pornography and who believe that any sexy pose of the female human body inevitably “objectifies” women (the sort of person who will tell you, ad nauseum, how much they hate market-driven “objectification”, even while they’re paying a minimum wage barista for their vente latte and browsing the internet on their Chinese-made iPad).

Increasingly, it appears to be the ideology of FEMEN, or at least of many of that group’s members.

As we march forward into the brave new world of increased state surveillance over sexual and personal behaviors, it would be wise to remember that not all people who claim to be feminists and who believe in the heroic view of women are necessarily the allies of those of us who seek greater liberty for the human soul and equal rights for all. It may be wise, in fact, to take a good, long look at simple, vanilla feminism, qua feminism, and inquire as to its relevance in today’s struggles. The time has come, perhaps, to move beyond feminism.

If you want to hang on to the security blanket the word gives you, however, then you should at least add a couple of qualifiers to it every time you use it. It would help the rest of the world know who they’re dealing with.

Sexualpedia is an open-ended series of articles that will explain the source of many common erotic interests using neuroscience, biology, and online behavioral data.

MASTER/SERVANT ROLE-PLAYING  (cued interest)

Prevalence: Very common

Cues: Female submission cue; female psychological cues for male dominance

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

The Internet reveals a great deal about our sexual proclivities. When we are liberated from anxiety and shame by the anonymity of our web browser, our true erotic preferences become clearer, recorded as digital footprints left behind in searches, clicks, comments, and credit card transactions.

But certain erotic tastes don’t manifest as plainly in the virtual world as they do in face-to-face interactions. Online behavioral data is a powerful tool for determining which bits of anatomy men find most arousing and which qualities of the male personality turn on women the most; indeed, this flood of new online data is the most powerful research tool in the history of sex science. But there are still facets of human desire which remain difficult to analyze using online data. One of these is erotic role-playing in the bedroom—such as asking your man to dress up like Smokey the Bear.

I often participate on the Morning X radio show in Tampa (hosted by Drew Garabo and Seth Kush) where I respond to a segment known as Fetish Fridays that invites listeners to call in and describe their sexual activities. Though these phoned-in confessions are obviously anecdotal, constituting a highly non-random convenience sample, there is a consistent pattern in women’s professed playtime preferences, which include:

• wanting boyfriend to dress up like Smokey the Bear.
• wanting boyfriend to dress up like an auto mechanic.
• wanting boyfriend to dress up  like a caveman.
• wanting to pretend to be a hooker getting paid for sex.
• wanting husband  to dress up like the UPS delivery man.
• wanting boyfriend to pretend to be doctor.
• wanting husband  to pretend to be daddy.
• wanting boyfriend to pretend to be Nazi guard.
• wanting boyfriend to pretend to be a werewolf.

Are these fantasies strange, unhealthy, or atypical? Not at all: in fact, such fantasies appear to be the very norm for the female sexual brain. Perhaps the single biggest discovery from our wide-ranging online research was the central importance of dominance and submissiveness roles in sexual arousal. Themes of domination and submission run through all of male visual pornography and through female erotic narratives; it’s one of the very few erotic interests that men and women share. Both sexes prefer sexual content with dominant males and submissive women, though some men appear to be born with a preference for male submission and a smaller portion of women appear to be born with a preference for female dominance.

The majority of women have submission fantasies. From classic romance The Flame and The Flower to classic erotica The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty to Twilight BDSM fan fiction to 50 Shades of Gray, submission themes are immensely popular in female erotica in every country from every era. Based on anecdotal evidence from callers on the radio show, this also runs through women’s face-to-face fantasies in the bedroom. Where does this interest come from?

Consider, for a moment, Rattus norvegicus, the Norwegian rat. The female performs stereotyped behaviors associated with sexual interest. First is pacing: running and stopping, inducing a male to chase her. This culminates in lordosis: assuming a submissive stationary posture with arched back and raised hips. Lordosis is controlled by a specific region of the hypothalamus, a subcortical brain structure. An analogous part of the brain controls submission postures in female primates. Though we can’t know what runs through a female rat’s mind during lordosis, it seems reasonable to assume there must be some pleasurable psychological quality associated with these submissive behaviors that reward the rat for performing them. In male rats, another part of the hypothalamus controls stereotyped dominance activity, such as mounting a female and performing intromission.

However, all rats and primates (both male and female) appear to be born with both dominance and submission systems intact; in fact, when scientists activate the submission system in male rats they behave like sexually submissive females and when they activate the dominance system in female rats they behave like sexually dominant males. (Some female primates have also been found to naturally engage in male sexual behaviors.) It seems highly likely that humans have inherited the same twin set of ancient dominance-submission systems. (It’s always worth mentioning that just because you like to be submissive in the bedroom has no relevance for what you want in the boardroom.)

In addition, almost every quality of dominant males triggers arousal in the female brain: dominant scents, dominant gaits, deep voices, height, displays of wealth, displays of physical strength. Role-playing master/servant roles is likely a way for women to activate ancient submissive cues shared with other female primates while also activating the female brain’s less ancient cues for strong males. That’s why so many women want their partner to pretend they are a savage beast, a powerful man, a brutal man, an authority figure, or an outright rapist—but always someone who takes charge in the bedroom and has his way with her.

Of course, the individual details of a woman’s “dominant male” fantasy are highly variable and depend on her own experiences, personality, and other erotic tastes. Whether you want your husband to pretend to be the family physician or a Nazi doctor might depend on your past medical experiences. Whether you want your boyfriend to dress up like a werewolf or a lion or Smokey the Bear might be influenced by your childhood literary preferences. But—based on online data gathered from millions of women from around the world—all of these submissive fantasies reflect a healthy, natural, and utterly normal sexual brain.

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Dr. Ogi Ogas received his PhD in computational neuroscience from Boston University and was a Department of Homeland Security Fellow. His writing has been published in the Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Wired, Baltimore Magazine, and Seed.  He used his knowledge of cognition to reach the million dollar question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and battle Ken Jennings in the finals of Grand Slam.

Sexualpedia is an open-ended series of articles that will explain the source of many common erotic interests using neuroscience, biology, and online behavioral data.

WETLOOK (uncued interest; some examples may be cued interest)

Prevalence: Rare

Cues: Likely an uncued interest; male anatomical and male dominance cues may be involved

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Derek Kroft is a financial manager in Boston. After returning home in 2009 (1), he surfs over to one of his favorite websites and scans a page of new photos. There’s a smiling blonde wearing a white cotton tee, a redhead in a maroon sweater kneeling on a stump, and a Hispanic girl in torn jeans and a tank top, which could work if he was pressed for time, but this evening Derek is looking for something special. He jumps to another website, then another, but nothing gets his blood pumping. Finally, he tries a slapdash British site that rarely posts new content—but this time, pay dirt: a startled brunette in a forest green evening gown. And an added bonus: matching satin gloves. The evening gown is an important part of the equation for Derek—the high point, you might say—but is not absolutely essential. What is essential is the particular state of the young woman’s wardrobe: her expensive dress is soaking wet. The rain-saturated gown clings to her legs and bosom; her carefully-coiffed chestnut hair is a drenched, matted mess; swollen droplets roll off the tips of her fancy gloves; and her pretty, goggle-eyed face expresses total shock from this ruinous state of affairs. Perfect!

Derek’s special predilection might seem a bit unusual, but it’s part of a well-defined erotic niche known as wetlook. Wetlook enthusiasts ogle images of women (and men) in soggy clothing. Before the Internet, the only way Derek could satisfy his exacting taste was the rare movie that featured a wetlook scene (Tarzan, the Ape Man with Bo Derek in a dripping white cotton dress was a magical favorite). Now, dozens of websites devote themselves to this niche, including WetlookPlanet.com, WetlookWorld.com, and WetlookCouples.com (1). But as Derek’s own particular affection for waterlogged evening gowns demonstrates, the wetlook niche can be broken down into even more narrow sub-niches: wet T-shirts are certainly most popular, but saturated jogging outfits have their own devotees, as do men in business suits rising out of swimming pools and women getting splattered by wet dogs. Some wetlook sites specialize in outdoor scenes; some focus on bathroom scenes. There’s celebrity wetlook and group wetlook, while ThaiWetlook.com, DutchWetlook.com, and WetlookRomania.com demonstrate the international diversity of the niche. Wetlook overlaps other erotic niches: muddy (men and women smeared with mud), messy (bespattered with various liquids, suds, and oils), and wam (wet AND messy).

But why in the world would anyone become sexually aroused—sexually fixated, you might say—on amateurs in wet clothing? The answer is somewhat different than the explanation of men’s predilection for breasts or women’s predilection for billionaires. Breasts and billionaires are both cued interests. Most wetlook, however, may be an uncued interest.

According to cue theory, we are all born with specific sexual predispositions—cues—that tend to draw our attention to certain physical and psychological features of potential sexual partners. Most male cues are visual, most female cues are psychological, though the full range of cues for both sexes are quite diverse. The top 50 most popular sexual interests (measured by the frequency of online sexual searches) are all cued interests; if we have a biological predisposition towards certain kinds of erotic interests, then these interests should be most common.

Wetlook, on the other hand, is a rare interest. It does not crack the top 100 list of the most common sexual interests. This fact alone hints at the operation of a different kind of sexual mechanism. But there’s another clue that sets wetlook apart from an interest in busty or billionaires: people who are fans of wetlook almost always have an “origin story”—a vivid memory of the very first time the sexual interest manifested itself. From our research, it’s possible to have origin stories for cued interests, but it’s the norm for uncued interests.

“When I was nineteen, I had a hydrocele, which is the accumulation of fluid around the testicle. The doctor needed to check how it was doing using ultrasound. So I was in the doctor’s office lying on the cot with my pants down, and the female technician rubbed this warm gel on my testicles,” explains Billy Chou (2), a Massachusetts government employee. “But then she took the ultrasound tool and began to roll it around my testicles. Instant hard-on. Ever since then, I get intensely turned on by doctor’s offices. Once I’m on the exam table I can even get hard around a male doctor.”

What’s going on? For men, there appears to be a special window of time when sexual interests can form—what biologists call a critical period. During the critical period, male sexual interests are acquired and consolidated during a process of sexual imprinting. While it’s not ethical to experimentally manipulate sexual imprinting in humans, biologists have been studying imprinting in animals for a long time.

In studies where male sheep were raised by goats, the young sheep sexually imprinted upon goats during the sheep’s critical period. Afterwards, the male sheep would only try to mate with goats. Other sheep were not sexually desirable. In contrast, when female sheep were raised by goats, their imprinting was reversible. The female sheep could become willing to mate with other sheep. This same pattern of irreversible male sexual imprinting and weak female imprinting was observed when young goats were raised by sheep.

A critical period for sexual imprinting is also supported by research on birds, including the “guinea pig of sexual imprinting research”: zebra finches. A male finch’s ideas about what a sexy partner looks like are strongly influenced by how its mother looks. However, this influence only operates during a few months when the bird is about a year old. During this critical period, a visual representation of the ideal female is burned into the male finch brain and will guide its sexual behavior for life. (Intriguingly, female finches are more likely than males to form “visual fetishes”, such as preferring a single brightly colored feather, if their father possessed such a cue. But, unlike humans, the male finch is more colorful and ornamented than the female.) When researchers prevented a male finch from seeing its mother during the critical period, it never developed a visual attraction to female finches.

Scientists have discovered two relevant discoveries in sexual imprinting in animals, especially birds. First, some things are more easily sexually imprinted than other things—it’s easier to sexually imprint a rooster on a chicken’s wattle than a chicken’s legs, for example, emphasizing the role of cues. Second, it’s not just the initial exposure that matters for imprinting (what is called “acquisition”) but also a period of “consolidation” where contextual factors influence whether a novel interest gets fixed. If other erotic contextual stimuli are present and highly salient—or, most powerfully of all, if ejaculation accompanies the exposure to the novel interest—then the male is much more likely to imprint.

In men, sexual imprinting seems more likely to occur when two different contextual factors are present. First, a strong tactile or olfactory stimuli. If a male is touched, especially around the genitals, or smells a strong odor this seems to increase the likelilood of imprinting. This may also contribute to many latex and leather fetishes. Second, if there’s a strong emotional response, this also serves to increase imprinting. Billy Chou was touched on his testicles during a striking emotional experience where he felt vulnerable and exposed.

There are several types of wetlook interests (3) and several of them appear to be examples of sexual imprinting on an uncued interest. Many wetlook fans are sexually aroused by being soaking wet themselves. These interests may have formed during an early incident when they were pushed into the water by someone or fell into the water with members of the opposite sex present. A strong tactile sensation (immersion) accompanied by a strong emotion (fear, embarrassment, pleasure). Other male wetlook fans (both gay and straight) had an early experience where they cuddled or kissed someone in the rain or in another situation where they were clothed but soaking wet (one man told us that when he was 12 he rolled around in the mud with a girl).

However, other men report no “origin story” for their interest and assert that they simply like the way women look when they are wet, muddy, or messy. It’s possible that this might reflect a form of cued interest—the natural male predilection for female gynoid curves, whose geometries are visually enhanced by the body-clinging and body-emphasizing effects of wet or muddy clothes. In addition, the male dominance cue might come into play, as some wetlook fans appreciate the look of surprise or concern on a women’s face when she is unexpectedly doused or muddied up.

Before the Internet, wetlook fans had a difficult time indulging in their interest, as the opportunities to ogle wet or muddy women were relatively rare. Today—as with so many other uncommon interests—it’s possible to obtain a near-constant supply of new wetlook material. Whether this should be celebrated or condemned is not something that science can decide.

(1) The websites mentioned here are from 2009.(1)

(2) We’ve changed the names of Billy Chou and Derek Kroft.

(3) The vast majority of wetlook fans are male. Though there are anecdotes of female wetlook fans, we couldn’t find enough relevant online behavioral data about them during our research to draw any conclusions about them.

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Dr. Ogi Ogas received his PhD in computational neuroscience from Boston University and was a Department of Homeland Security Fellow. His writing has been published in the Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Wired, Baltimore Magazine, and Seed.  He used his knowledge of cognition to reach the million dollar question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and battle Ken Jennings in the finals of Grand Slam.

As many of you who follow me already know, the internal clitoris is much more subterranean than we once previously thought. How perfect is it then, that Bryony Kimmings used the music to Bob Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues to sing the various nicknames her fellow Brits use for female parts.

Ms. M. Commandment #1: Ladies, your pussy is special; take care of it, keep it up, keep it clean, keep it pristine.

I have a sweet, beautiful, CLEAN, little magical slit between my legs. It would never be called seafood salad, fish taco, lamb shank, or tuna. But some of the terms I do enjoy in this song are pleasure mound, vertical smile, cunt cake, hot box, velvet sausage wallet, money maker, and pleasure dome.

What are your favorite nicknames for that glorious place between a woman’s legs?

P.S. The song doesn’t actually start until around :40

Follow me, Ms. M. on FACEBOOK or TUMBLR.

Or TWITTER my clitter. ; )