A couple of weeks ago I sat down to catch up on Louie, the semi-biographical brainchild of comedian Louis C.K. The show has touched upon sex before, but a nugget of observation in the episode “Eddie” caught my attention: Otherwise a cautionary tale of a darker side of the bile of comedy, the episode features a sex-centric standup routine by a rock-bottom comedian of the same name.[1] In one riff, Eddie puzzles at the “recommendations” section of the free streaming porn site, YouPorn.

“If you use YouPorn, be careful, because they track what you beat off to. Go up to the top of YouPorn next time you’re on YouPorn and click recommended for you. … It’s like Amazon: ‘People who beat off to this also beat off to this, this, and that.’ A lot of that stuff you’re not into. How is cock and ball torture equal to peeing on me? I don’t want you to pee on me! … That’s gross!”

A funny quip, and part of a larger narrative of a man’s loss of desire and disengagement from physicality, but it raises interesting questions. We’ve already gotten the story of porn on the Internet—diversity, incredible accessibility, and a host of debates that followed. But as the porn industry catches up with other online trends (open sourced content, streaming free video, content tracking, and recommendation algorithms), we stand at the edge of another pornographic and sexual revolution, both in terms of our understanding and of the common sexual vocabulary.

In many ways, this is nothing more than the next logical step in a sexual revolution spurred by porn as far back as the birth of public adult theaters. Dr. Jennifer Nash, then a visiting Humanities Fellow at Columbia University, first explained to me the transformative value of pornography in new medias two years ago. Nash studies pornography—one of the few serious academics willing to do so, and her ability to throw around Mike in Brazil, Brazzers and other porn sites in the same breath as respected sociological theorists is both refreshing and astounding. As Nash put it to me, the movement of pornography onto the big screen and into mass distribution via videos mitigated the isolation and psychological distress of many sexual minorities.

“A gay man in Texas,” said Nash, “could go to a theater to see a porn and realize, ‘Woah, I’m not the only one who has these feelings.’”

These mediums though were limited to big porn production houses selling in markets that could restrict buyers, which controlled the availability of fantasy deviating beyond those of white male heterosexual norms. The proliferation of pornography onto the Internet, though, and the spread of editing and sharing tools allowed for an explosion in amateur and niche video—a plurality of pornography with something for every taste and widely available for public and reinforcing, or private and safe viewings by absolutely anyone with a basic Internet connection.

Porn’s explosion onto the Internet became a source of exposure of, and education for, the public to non-basic white male heterosexual sexual mechanics. It allowed the exploration of unique sexual experiences and the development of appetites—as Nash puts it: “These films can teach us much about sex, bodies, alternative forms of pleasure, and in that way can provide comfort—they might even be a big part of sexual education.”

Many individuals fear that this explosion just enables the darkest fetishes—pedophilia, rape, and sexual abuse. Anecdotally in conversations with sex crimes prosecutors, they seem to think the nature of their cases has grown markedly weirder since the advent of the Internet (I could tell a few stories involving frozen feces, constriction, squirrel carcasses, and nettles, but I will refrain for the sake of space and mystery). And there’s been a long string of research to support the idea that exposure to pornography decreases sympathy towards female victims of rape and compassion towards women in general.[2]

But, as Nash says, “This [mentality] leads to a fear that what we view is what we do. It’s not so one-to-one.” A host of further studies have found that the availability of pornography decreases sex crimes.[3] Beyond that, frequent viewers of porn, even in its early video stages, were consistently more comfortable discussing sex and were more open to diverse ways of achieving orgasm.[4]

So that’s where we stand—the Internet has enabled comfort with fetishes through an explosion in user-created porn across all different spectrums of desire. But one problem of the Internet thus far is that it has failed to enable exploration—the foot fetishist may not know himself a foot fetishist or may not know what to look for if he suspects his feet are eroticized. The norms of sex—busty, heterosexual humping with copious manufactured moans and a healthy money shot at the end—still proliferate many individuals’ experience and (as many a woman can tell you) have helped to shape and normalize a sometimes dissatisfying sexual environment.

Therein lies the virtue of YouPorn and its equivalents eerily tracking your masturbatory habits—in making recommendations, these sites now offer a way for a viewer to expand his or her sexual vocabulary, exploring new fantasies, desires, and fetishes. Because these recommendations are made on the basis of what other people like you enjoyed, there is an implicit approval that it’s alright for you to explore this realm of sexuality, and especially because it is usually an amateur production the social barriers are doubly removed. And as the free nature of these streaming sites attracts more and more viewers away from the norm of sites, it stands to challenge the widespread narratives of pornography and open up an increasing diversity in sexuality.

Even if the algorithms are horrible (as Eddie notes, he has no interest in urination porn), there’s benefit. Laura Kipnis’s book Bound and Gagged: Pornography and the Politics of Fantasy makes the case that fetishes can challenge our aesthetic prejudices and tear up our built up senses of disgust. (Disgust, it should be acknowledged, is tricky. At a biological level it theoretically exists to keep us from doing things that are unnatural or dangerous. Yet much disgust is constructed—the accumulation of taboo and power that serves little biological purpose and less social purpose now than to disenfranchise portions of society.) But when Kipnis wrote the book there was little chance that these fetishes would have a large effect on the general population. Now the tracking of commonly used porn sites exposes viewers to content they would not otherwise find, and challenges them to view content that may initially disgust them, but that they must accept that others view and appreciate, and they may come to appreciate in their own way.

Any way you slice it, the same technology that puts countless ads for MuslimSingles.com on my Facebook wall now seems to want to challenge sexual orthodoxy and ring in, unintentionally, a new age—an age of plurality in pleasure, of pornography that opens up rather than restricts and shapes sexual experience and education, of the deconstruction of social taboos of disgust. Sure, a one-night stand may get a tad bit less predictable. But it’s an exciting new world nonetheless.

[1] Played by Doug Stanhope.

[2] See Dolf Zillmann and Jennings Bryant’s 1982 article in the Journal of Communcations for reference.

[3] Especially child pornography—see Berl Kutchinsky in a 1973 article in the Journal of Social Issues or the more recent article “How the Web Prevents Rape” on Slate.

[4] Pornography and Sexual Deviance by Michael Goldstein, Harold Kant, and John Hartman (1973)

________________________________________________________________________________________

Since launching the advice column, I have welcomed a tremendous amount of inquisitive and engaging emails from across the globe.  I can no longer ignore, however, a consistent pattern in the questions I’ve received from American teenagers. It seems they have have had little to no sexual education at all, or worse – been misinformed or blatantly lied to.  In today’s column, I’d like to shed light on this issue by sharing some of these emails with you.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Hello MsM.

I moved schools this year when my dad changed jobs.  In California we had sex ed in middle school.  Now I’m in high school in Arizona and they teach it in health class.  My teacher here said condoms couldn’t totally protect against stds or getting girls pregnant because they have microscopic holes in them.  She said sperm and stds can leak through the holes and that the hiv virus will cause the condom to break.  That is not what my teacher in California taught us.  What is the truth?

If you’re going to be sexually active, condoms are the best and most effective way to protect against pregnancy, HIV, and other STDs. 

Sperm, the HIV virus that causes AIDS, and STIs (STDs) cannot seep, leak, break, nor sneak through a condom.  Condoms do not have microscopic holes; that is a flat out lie.  The HIV virus will not cause a condom to break; that too is a lie.  The only way a condom would not be effective is if:

1.  You don’t put it on correctly – something they should be teaching you in sex ed class.

2.  It breaks, likely because you didn’t put it on correctly, or because you used oil-based lubricants like Vaseline.  Always use water-based lubricants when using latex condoms.

3.  The expiry date on the back of the condom has passed.

4.  You didn’t put the condom on before genital-to-genital contact.  Always put the condom on before you do anything – even if you’re just rubbing and not penetrating.

Sadly, I hear stories like yours all too often: students being told lies from the educators they should be able to trust.  I’m glad it seems you had some proper sex ed in California.  Good for you for reaching out to get clarification and set the record straight.  Please do share my answer with your health class or your school’s principal if you so choose. 

Good Luck,

Ms. M.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Ms. M,

I am 16 and have been taking birth control for 6 months to regulate my periods, but about a month ago I accidentally skipped a few days here and there so I just stopped taking it.  The guy Im dating and me use condoms most of the time but last weekend we went to a party in Tampa then drank too much and didnt use a condom.  He didnt pull out in time.  A couple friends told me if I drank bleach in the morning and at night that would make sure I don’t get pregnant.  Ive been doing it but Im still worried.  My parents will kill me if I get pregnant.  They dont even know I’m having sex.  Is there anything else I can do?

This draws attention to a bigger issue: Parents and educators alike are neglecting their responsibility to inform and empower teens (you) with accurate pertinent information on sexual health and safety.  Instead they leave you hanging with misinformation and rumors from your peers simply because the topic of discussion makes them uncomfortable, so you go drinking bleach. 

First, STOP DRINKING BLEACH!  And question every other thing that comes out of those friends’ mouths because that is absolutely false!!  All drinking bleach will do is make you sick and possibly land you in the hospital or kill you.

Second, ALWAYS use condoms.  Birth control does not protect you from STIs.  I understand why pregnancy scares you – you can’t hide it from your friends and family, and it means you would be forced to confess you’re having sex to your parents.  BUT, think about what an STI would do for your reputation at school.  Do you really want to be the girl with gonorrhea and smelly discharge?  I sure as hell wouldn’t.

What else you can do?  Go to your doctor and explain the situation.  You’ll likely take a pregnancy test.  If you establish you’re not in fact pregnant, ask him or her about other contraceptive options that won’t require remembering to take a pill daily.  An IUD might be a good alternative to consider, and in the long run, it’s cheaper than buying monthly pills.  My positive meditations and thoughts are with you.  Feel free to write in again if you have any further questions or concerns.

Love Always,

Ms. M.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi.  Can I get pregnant if I have sex on my period?  Thanks.

Yes.  Contrary to popular myth, you can get pregnant if you have sex on your period.  Also, never rely on the pull out method either.  Use a condom or some other form of birth control. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Flavored condoms in strawberry and apple

Ms. M

My new boyfriend doesn’t want me to use a condom when I go down on him.  I don’t like the way condoms taste or smell either.  It really grosses me out.  Can I still catch something if I do just oral without protection?

Sincerely,

Bad Taste In My Mouth

Yes, you can still catch something if you have oral sex without a condom.  HPV, herpes, and gonorrhea are just the tip of the iceberg.  Pick up some flavored condoms to try during oral sex instead of using regular condoms.  My personal favorite is strawberry, but condom makers have produced a wide variety from which to choose.

Cheers!

Written by David Ives and directed by Tony Award^® winner Walter Bobbie, Venus in Fur introduces us to Vanda (Tony nominee Nina Arianda), a preternaturally talented young actress determined to land the lead in Thomas’ (Emmy^® nominee Hugh Dancy) new play based on the classic erotic novel, Venus in Fur. Vanda’s emotionally charged audition for the gifted but demanding playwright/director becomes an electrifying game of cat and mouse that blurs the lines between fantasy and reality, seduction and power, love and sex.

See it by March 1st and save up to 40% with special Mosex discount code VFMKT111.

Buy tix online or call 212-97408844. Or, bring a a copy of this post to the Lyceum Theatre Box Office, 149 W. 45th St. For box office hours and performance schedule information, please click here.

Sneak peek here:

Calling all performers! Join us at the OralFix Bar for the only Open Mic in New York where the theme is always SEX. If you’re shy, you can just sit back and enjoy some of New York’s finest talent while you sip on our aphrodisiac specialty cocktails. After getting your fix of sexy performances, stick around for the after party mixed by DJ Manolo.

Hosted by, the one and only, Ms. Perez

Doors open at 5pm for sign up. We’ll see you there!

This ladies only salon features an introductory lesson plan that will cover a wide variety of kink related topics and will empower you to embrace the seductive siren within. Hosted by NYC’s most reputable Mistresses, get a glimpse of the glamorous world of the Dominatrix while learning secret tricks of the trade that will spice up the bedroom.

OralFix: Aphrodisiac Cafe
Museum of Sex | Lower Level

Seating is limited

www.DomiDollz.com & www.MuseumofSex.com

We’ll be straight up with you. This is a blow job class. Super fun and loaded with tips and techniques that will blow his mind. So sit down, prepare to be titillated and have a great time learning the tricks of the gift that keeps on giving this Valentine’s Day. And while you are there, having a great time talking about blowjobs with Ducky Doolittle, prepare to be transformed in other ways as well. With more than 20 years of sexual research behind her, Ducky has proven men are sexually deeper and far more beautiful than the world gives them credit for.

Oh la la! Women are a deep pool of pleasure and Ducky Doolittle is here to teach you how to swim. She will demystify the female body, from erogenous zones, to the vulva, clit, G spot, female ejaculation, pelvis muscles and even anal pleasure. Together we’ll compare ancient Eastern knowledge, current scientific data, personal discoveries, tips & techniques and send you home with a wealth of orgasmic knowledge and resources. Walk away understanding why some touches deliver amazing stimulation and how to draw deeper orgasmic responses. This workshop is for women and lovers of women.

What exotic erotic adventures happen behind the closed doors of Japan? Come to this fascinating presentation and find out!

From cuisine, music, fashion, technology to anime, Japan’s cultural influences on the West is immense. In many ways the Japanese erotic cultures also influence today’s Western tastes. Yet the daily realities of Japan’s sexual habits, sexual consumer culture, gender relations, and sensual subcultures world remain hidden to us, creating an aura of mystique. In this funny and insightful presentation, join Midori for a double-expatriate’s personal tour of Japan’s hidden sexual culture today. Come early to browse through her collection of naughty magazines, rare books, unusual flyers and other goodies from Japan. Midori is a Kyoto born, Tokyo-raised, Japanese-American author and sex educator based in San Francisco. She is well versed with the contradiction that is 21st Century Japan and possesses a keen insight into culture and sexuality.

Screw Roses tees are now available for $25 at the museum store.

The t-shirts come in ladies (pink v-neck burnout, pink crew-neck and white crew-neck) and unisex styles (pink v-neck, white v-neck, pink crew-neck and white crew-neck). Buy them HERE.

Screw roses. Enjoy Valentine’s Day at the museum in style (without the sap).