MoSEX | Dropping Spaghetti: Horrifying Masturbation Stories Edition
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Dropping Spaghetti: Horrifying Masturbation Stories Edition

Dropping Spaghetti: Horrifying Masturbation Stories Edition

I bring you hilarity from the deepest (though not darkest) recesses of the internet – 4chan.

“Horror” stories about masturbation gone wrong – real stories from real (anonymous) people about the horrible and hilarious side of masturbation. Most of the stories deal with getting caught by family/strangers in embarrassing cumming situations – sadly guy’s stories are a bit overrepresented…hopefully some of you women will chime in the comments and share your own adventures in masturbation.

Heck, to make this even more interesting, I’ll even share a personal horror story –

I’m about 15 years old, flying to Italy on a plane alone. Get really horny and realize that if I go to jerk off in the plane stall and face the direction the plane is traveling at about 800mph, I’ll blow a load whose exit speed might even break the sound barrier. Think this is amazing and deicide to give it a try. Am furiously masturbating in the stall – apparently in my excitement at this amazing idea, I failed to properly lock the stall. Just as I’m about to cum, someone opens the stall door and walks in – “oh god no, I’m cumming” I shout as the door opens. I hear a voice behind me say “oh jesus” and the door slams shut. I spent about 20 minutes more in there, hoping that the crowd near the stall rotates and I can leave without anyone that witnessed my shame identifying me. Btw – sadly, my ejaculation didn’t create a sonic boom. :(

Without further ado, here are a few of the greatest hits from this ephemeral conversation thread:

>be 14
>on ski vacation with parents
>come back to hotel early
>fap time
>start fapping in main room for reasons
>glorious.jpg
>blow load
>biggest load 14 year old self has blown
>parents come in
>ohshit.jpg
>still have a few seconds before they see me
>stuff boner in pants
>grab all the jizz with my hands
>parents oblivious, sit down and talk to me
>goddammit
>sit there for 20 minutes with a semen-filled fist
>worst fap ever

***

>Wearing headphones
>slowly work my hand down
>begin furiously beating my meat like it broke into my house
>feel the massive build up
>close my eyes in ecstasy
>cum buckets
>open my eyes to see a sandwich and drink in front of me
>wasn’t there when i started 20 minutes ago…

***

>Be 18
>Get a whole day with the house to myself
>Finally get to watch porn with sound
>Get in the nude
>Fapping begins
>Video gets boring
>Turn around in chair, close my eyes and listen to the awesome audio.
>Opens eyes to watch glorious load make a perfect ark across room.
>Load lands on dog who was watching the entire time.
>bullseye.png
>Dog starts yelping and runs around the house because shes got cum in her eyes.
>Catch dog and clean uber sticky cum. Make sure that bitch is clean.
>Parents come back and notice dogs eyes are red and swollen.
>I have to take dog to vet to see whats wrong.
>Way to much fucking work for a simple fap.

***

>be 15
>in my room
>take off all my clothes, start to fap
>fapping naked on the bed, ready to cum
>hear footsteps approaching
>quickly pull the blanket over myself
>mom walks in
>starts talking to me about some random shit
>feel her ass against my thigh, can’t help myself
>cum all over myself under the blanket
>she’s oblivious
>oh god the shame

And that’s how my milf fetish started

***

>be 14
>begin to sleep nude
>fap everymorning after mom wakes me up for school
>this time takes unusually long
>blow my load in my blanket fbf.jpeg
>fal lasleep
>mom comes in, pissed im not awake yet
>rips blanket off me
>sees me asleep with hand around cock
>she sent some jizz flying onto her arm
>she screams at me and leaves
>get home from school, mom talks about proper jizz relocation

***

>Be 20
>Sexy sister-in-law sunbathing by pool
>She fell asleep
>No one else at home
>I decide to stare at her beautiful ass and fap while staying in the pool
>Cum
>Look over to see brother-in-law watching me through the window

***

>staying at girlfriends place
>she won’t put out
>have to sleep in guest room
>2am
>punishing my schpoople like a fucking maniac
>door swings open
>girlfriend standing there
>eye contact is made
>cannon is ready to fire
>FIRE!
>cum flies 9 feet and gets her right in the face
>she stares at me for a second
>freaks out
>her dad wakes up
>I’m already leaving
>walk 14 miles home
>we laugh about it still to this day
>she begs for a facial when we fuck

***

>be in afghanistan
>be on post
>really tired so i decide to beat it to stay awake
>shits getting intense
>fuck my sectors
>radio beeps
>post 3 post 3 this is the sog, battalion can see you wanking it on the gboss

note: “gboss” is a huge thermal camera

***

>sleeping in my room with our new dog
>decide to fap before sleep
>cum buckets for a 14old
>still boner
>need to piss..
>late night so decide not to put underwear back on
>suddenly dog barks
>mom comes in with light speed from room next to me
>standing in middle of room with raging boner
>cum drips of
>she thinks i tried/did fuck the dog (it was a bitch)
>she says nothing takes dog, leaves room
>megatron 9000 shamefeelings
>go piss
>nearly cry of shame when back in bed

>later she tells my 18yo sister
>same shame again

>be 3 years later (17yo)
>find dildos and sex stuff from parents
>she has friends there, drinkin tea and stuff
>still remember her betrayal
>get bag of sex toys (some of them still sloppy)

> get in living room where friends and mom are
> give her opened bag with large dildos and stuff
> her friends like most awesome wtf faces i ever saw..
> “dont hide that in the bathroom plz”

> go away
> *evil-insane-trollface.jpg*

>later she asks me why i did this to her, nearly crying
> “i never fucked that dog”

***

>be 13
>sitting at home after school, mum’s out and dad’s doing the washing
>in my room
>jam the back of my hairbrush in my pussy after hearing a friend did it
>doesn’t fit but i’m still wet.. anyway, grab something to eat and sit in front of tv
>sitting against couch underneath coffee table
>see one of those promotional thick pens with logos etc on the table
>my line of sight means i would see if dad came in ages before he could see me so i don’t worry
>slide it into my pussy (wearing a skirt so i just part my panties to one side)
>can’t remember what i’m watching, but it was probably animaniacs or some crap
>end up fapping like mad jamming it in and out
>eventually it feels uncomfortable so i put the pen on the table and start rubbing my clit
>come everywhere, panties soaked, hands look like i’ve just dipped them in a tub of hair gel
>phone rings
>dad comes in, i jump, he gives me a weird look
>i sit there as dad is on the phone, waiting for him to leave so i can clean myself up or at least look away so i can get up and leave
>he comes over and grabs the pen off the couch to write something down.
>his face when he notices it’s gooey and mfw i know that he knows exactly what it is

***

>be 15
>used to go to cousins house often to fap into any bra i would get in their bathroom
>Be fapping by rubbing cock furiously on cousins bra.(forgot to lock door this day)After i blow my load off i look back to see her looking at me with eyes wide open
>she just runs away and then acts like nothing happened.never talk about it and infact almost never talk and it’s been awkard always after that

***

>Be 19
>With GF at her dorm
>Haven’t fucked yet, she’s still giving me hj’s and shit
>One night I’m in the shower with her and she can’t get me to cum
>I start beating it furiously
>15 minutes pass, I keep feeling like I’m about to, then losing the feeling
>She’s doing insanely hot shit like rubbing her big tits in my face and whatnot, still not getting me there
>Raging, already going to be 20 minutes late to work because of my folly
>She says its okay, “I’ll make you cum when you get off work”
>For me that’s just sweet frosting on a shit cake
>I leave and get in my truck, still hard as shit
>About to peel out as I leave the parking lot when I hit a speed bump I didn’t see
>Jolt of hitting the bump somehow causes me to blow my load in my pants
>30 minutes late to work, cumsoaked pants
>mfw utterly confused

***

>be 5 years ago, 18 still live with parents
>tired of clean up procedures so fap directly in to the toilet
>straddling the bowl awkwardly
>the toilet seat is pressing against my gooch in an interesting and strangely pleasurable way
>maximize feeling by repositioning to a more awkward half kneeling half straddle
>cum and feels fantastic, but nothing comes out
>freak out and stand up
>huge load shoots out at massive force all over the toilet, the tank, and floor around it, splashing back at me
>some gets on my face
>have to clean up this chemical spill disaster
>later my mom asks if I cleaned the bathroom because it looked nice

***

>be 15
>be at friends house
>hot sister in the back sunbathing
>some family party coming on
>get boner from looking at her
>go to bathroom
>lelfaptime.jpg
>finish look around see there cousin(female)*
>later see her doing the hand motion of fapping at the dinner table
>everyone freaks out
>they ask her where she saw this/who made her do this
>points at me
>wat, n-no ii-i didn’t teach her that
was never allowed to go to my friends house again.

*The above story has been changed from the original.

***

END