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What Do Shemale Porn and the Twilight Novels Have in Common?

[ This article is based upon the 2012 Idea City talk “What do shemale porn and Edward Cullen have in common?” ]

During our expansive exploration of sexual desire, we encountered a number of popular erotic interests that defied academic predictions and evolutionary theory. For example, among heterosexual men, the stunning popularity of shemale porn (sometimes referred to as futanari), incest porn, and bukkake porn, three of the most searched for erotic genres in the world. Among women, slash fan fiction (romantic and erotic male-male stories), incest stories, and the phenomenal global popularity of paranormal romance, whose leading example is Stephanie Myers’ Twilight novels.

As computational neuroscientists, we turned to the design of the brain to attempt to explain these prevalent yet baffling erotic tastes. In particular, we considered the operation of “sexual cues,” hardwired sexual taste predispositions analogous to our hardwired gustatory tastes. Just as our brains come hard-wired with five different taste cues—salty, sour, sweet, savory, bitter (some researchers add metallic and fat), our brains also come hard-wired with a finite set of sexual cues. However, though male and female brains share the same taste cues, our brains come loaded with entirely different sets of sexual cues. It’s as if the male brain has salty and sour cues, and the female brain has bitter and sweet cues. If we each tasted the sexual equivalent of peanut brittle, a man would report a salty flavor while a woman would report its sweetness.

In previous computational neuroscience research, we had modeled how the brain manufactured optical illusions, such as the enigmatic Mona Lisa smile, by simultaneously juxtaposing two different visual cues to create a strange and beguiling gestalt that was perceptually “more than the sum of its parts.” (In the case of the Mona Lisa smile, da Vinci juxtaposed a low-frequency grin with a high-frequency flat expression to produce the beguiling smile that seems to appear or disappear depending on where your eyes come to rest on the painting.) Our brain can also be tricked by gustatory illusions: restaurants like Chili’s and T.G.I.Friday’s hire food engineers who craft culinary concoctions that combine different gustatory cues (salty, fatty, sweet, crunchy) into irresistible gustatory illusions that promote what the food industry calls cravability, such as Chili’s Texas Cheese Fries or Cheesecake Factory’s Oreo Dream Extreme Cheesecake.

It appears that our brains might also be tricked by erotical illusions. By combining (or distorting) multiple sexual cues into novel gestalts, it’s possible to evoke bewilderingly intense sexual arousal. Male erotical illusions are mostly visual, since the male sexual brain consists primarily of visual cues. Female erotical illusions are mostly psychological, since the female sexual brain consists primarily of psychological cues.

Erotical illusions account for one of the most popular and baffling sexual interests of heterosexual men: shemale porn. (Many transsexuals find the term “shemale” offensive when applied to an individual, though this is the common term for the genre within the adult industry.) Figures in shemale porn feature the body of a woman and a penis, often a large one.

In Japanese anime, transsexual characters are known as futanari. Futanari porn reveals exactly what appeals to straight men about shemales. Futanari characters are drawn with hyperfeminine bodies, typically very young, with large round breasts and hourglass figures, large eyes with long eyelashes and beautiful faces. They also possess giant horse-sized penises. Typical futanari features schoolgirls with giant protrusions beneath their plaid skirts, teenage girls with pink hair and a bulge in their jeans, slender ballerinas in tutus and sporting erections as long as their slender legs.

Recently, contemporary adult webmasters have found ways to manufacture “artificial shemales” that do not involve the use of actual transsexual actresses. The women are voluptuous and curvy, with enormous strap-on dildos that look like authentic if colossally oversized penises. The site is full of scenes of attractive, busty women stroking their giant artificial manhood.

The site makes the erotical illusion very clear: anatomical cues of femininity juxtaposed with the visual cue of a penis. (The penis is a prominent sexual cue for many heterosexual men.)

What about the opposite? What about someone with strong muscular arms, tattooed biceps, a bald head, a beard—and a vagina? The most famous transsexual male porn star is the cigar-puffing Buck Angel.

Buck Angel combines a number of visual cues of masculinity with the single feminine cue of a vagina. Straight men express no interest in Buck Angel, and some find him disquieting. But many gay men find him extremely intriguing. The sexual brains of most women, however, do not respond to Buck Angel as a visual erotical illusion. Instead, erotical illusions comprised of psychological cues are more effective at tricking the female sexual brain—such as paranormal romance.

Some of the psychological cues that consistently appear in the hundreds of thousands of female-authored erotic stories and the thousands of digital romance novels we analyzed include heroes who are alpha males (strong, confident leaders), intelligent and experienced, willing to protect women from physical harm, desired by many women (though they only love the heroine), who lust intensely after the inexplicably irresistible heroine, who hide a secret tender side, and whose aggressive nature is tamed by the heroine’s love. It turns out that these cues are all whirled together and amplified in the stories of paranormal romance.

Consider Edward Cullen, the vampire hero of Twilight. Since he is a vampire, he has the body of a 17-year old hotty—but the experienced, mature mind of a 107 year old. He is the ultimate alpha: an immortal warrior dispatches human bullies with ruthless ease, rescuing Bella Swan time and again. All the girls at Bella’s high school have crushed on Edward—but he is only interested in Bella, because of her inexplicably delicious smell. He lusts after Bella—literally, since he lusts after the blood coursing through her veins—but demonstrates his love for Bella by not acting on his primal urge to rip open her neck and drink her blood. Cullen is an Oreo Extreme Dream Cheesecake for the female sexual brain: a superalpha who eternally lusts after one uniquely special woman, but who forever demonstrates his kind and loving heart by not acting upon his savage impulses—at least, not when he’s around his beloved; he’s free to release his barbaric side when challenged by villainous opponents.

Unlike women, men are not aroused by romantic stories of vampire women with youthful bodies and elderly minds. The male sexual brain does not process the same sort of literary erotical illusion.

Erotical illusions make vivid one of the most fascinating aspects of human sexuality: that much of sexual arousal results from the integrative sorcery of our imagination. For more, watch the 2012 Idea City talk “What do shemale porn and Edward Cullen have in common?”

Dr. Ogi Ogas received his PhD in computational neuroscience from Boston University and was a Department of Homeland Security Fellow. His writing has been published in the Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Wired, Baltimore Magazine, and Seed.  He used his knowledge of cognition to reach the million dollar question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and battle Ken Jennings in the finals of Grand Slam.

Immortalize Your Member

…or any other lovely body part you please with 3D personalized sex toy scanning. Just in time for Valentine’s Day!

On February 11, in a private suite at the Eventi hotel, sip champagne, enjoy chocolates and flip the channels to anything that excites you. (Lube and other stimulants provided, too.) Then, get yourself scanned. The lovely ladies at New York Toy Collective will turn plastic to silicon for the best intimacy-safe and dishwasher-safe sex toy you could imagine. A few weeks later, you’ll receive a silicon “replica” of your member.

Make your appointment here. Couples packages are available, too. Use the promotion code “MOSEX” upon check out and get 10% off your order.

Check out the 3DEA website here. For more on 3D penis printing, check out these articles featured in Dezeen, The Huffington Post, Jezebel and Fleshbot.

Turn Yourself Into An Action Figure With 3D Printing via Mashable:

 

 

 

The Deadliest Snatch

Sex has been used to facilitate murder many times before but, never like this…

A Brazilian woman poisoned her vagina in hopes that her husband would go down on her and die. Her plan was thwarted when he complained of a “funny smell” when he went down and took her to the hospital to get checked out.

Sadly, the article is more academic than comedic but, if you’re curious about the history of evil vaginas, including the Brazilian one above, read this article.

Transgendered Feminism // THIS BOY IS A BOTTOM

There’s all this talk in the world of “feminism” about whether or not transgendered ladies should be allowed to be included in the “movement.”

I’ll be honest. For most of my life, I’ve really hated the word feminism; its connotation always felt as dark and dirty as a rectal prolapse. I grew up in a time when feminists seemed to be anti-porn, men-hating, penis-hating, unsexy, unFEMININE women I just assumed really needed to cum. I considered the feminist movement similar to the Black Panthers, fighting on the extreme side of the pendulum, which perhaps at the time, may have been necessary in some ways to tear into the unjust world of inequality. But as we evolve to a place closer toward the middle, closer to a place of balance, it’s time to rethink and re-frame what this word and movement really mean. As many of my modern day contemporaries have suggested, if you’re a woman enjoying the right to vote, work, drive, and to not be sold or treated like property, you’re automatically a feminist. So, if I’m going to accept and swallow that word as part of my existence as a woman, much less be a part of any type of movement, it needs new definition and connotation: equality. That’s all any of us want at the end of the day. Is it not? We’re not completely there yet; I acknowledge there is still more work to be done. But it’s frustrating and sad so many other women have TAINTed the word feminism. The modern ideal and definition of it should simply be equality.

Therefore, shouldn’t we all be working to help transgendered folks achieve equality too? Isn’t being compassionate at the heart of our feminine energy?

So why on earth are these antiquated so-called “feminists” being all anti-transgendered? Most trannies can do hair and make-up better than I can. And guess what? I had a vintage Chanel dress I wore on New Year’s Eve that I was determined to wear. But my boobs wouldn’t fit it. And you know who taught me how to make them fit … how to make them WERQ!? A TRANNY! Yes, SHE helped me accentuate one of the most glorious wonderful parts of being a woman better than any of my born-female fashion designer friends could. (To see how I gave myself the best cheapest fake boob job ever, read here.) For the record, I love and accept my itty bitty titties—I just loved the dress too.

As Caitlin Moran, author of How To Be A Woman, is quoted in this article,

“I think the relationship between feminism and transgender women should be absolutely sympathetic, arms-slung-around-shoulders and all-on-the-same-side. We’re all gunning for the same thing — equality, feeling comfortable in our own skin, not automatically cringing or feeling unworthy or ‘other.'”

So to my trannies, my gays, my bi-sexuals, my heteros, my a-sexuals, my crossdressers, my men, my women, my hermaphrodites, my tops, my bottoms (whose assholes may or may not be “medium rare”), my versatiles, my BDSM hommies, my subs and doms, my ladies who love strap-ons and the men that love them (and butt plugs): I offer you unconditional love and acceptance. It’s your life and you only get one, so live it like it motherf*cking counts!

Now it’s time to jam out to this gem!!!

P.S. —> I LOVE YOU WILLAM BELLI!

Have a question or comment? Email: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com

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So They Can Know

Help make sex more awesome for everyone and eradicate STDs.

So They Can Know is a website designed to help people who’ve been diagnosed with STDs notify their partners. Users of the website can access information on how to talk to their partners themselves or watch videos that model STD notification conversations. The website also allows users to send anonymous notification emails to sexual partners that they wouldn’t otherwise tell. These emails are sent by the website and let partners know what they need to get tested for, provide some basic information about the STD, and link recipients back to So They Can Know to find a clinic or doctor who will test them.

There are 19 million new STD cases each year in the US. Nearly half of these, or 9.1 million, occur among 15-24 year olds. Many infected individuals do not have symptoms, do not get tested and treated, and unknowingly spread the STD to their sexual partners. Partner notification, in which the sexual partners of STD patients are notified of their potential STD exposure, is one of the most effective ways to address this public health problem. However, only 23% of at-risk partners are ever notified.

With your help, So They Can Know can remain a free service for the next year and provide free promotional materials to STD and family planning clinics to give out to their patients. This will ensure that there will be more people notifying their partners, more partners getting tested and treated, and fewer people spreading STDs.

SUPPORT THE CAMPAIGN HERE: http://www.indiegogo.com/so-they-can-know

Jessica Ladd presents So They Can Know at TEDxMidAtlantic in DC:

About Sexual Health Innovations
Sexual Health Innovations (SHI) is a nonprofit organization that has created and is maintaining So They Can Know. Their mission is to improve the sexual health of Americans by promoting more effective use of technology and to achieve this by creating effective new technology products, conducting high-quality research, and advising non-profit and governmental organizations on how to better use technology to improve health. Jessica Ladd and Jenny McManus are the two leaders of the So They Can Know initiative with long-standing commitments to sexual health. For more information, visit www.sexualhealthinnovations.org.

 

The Anti-Sex Trafficking Movement is Batshit Crazy

Writer Melissa Gira- Grant explains in 3,671 words why the anti-sex trafficking movement is batshit crazy.

She points fingers at celebrity feminists Gloria Steinem and Norma Ramos, New York Times op-ed columnist Nick Kristoff,  and Warren Buffett’s NoVo Foundation for waging a war on sex workers, ironically in the name of feminism. (Steinem has gone so far as to condemn HIV prevention programs in Calcutta’s red light district as supporting sex trafficking.) Gira Grant unpacks how the mentality that “prostitution is paid rape” harms more women than it helps in this must-read for anyone purporting to care about the anti-sex trafficking issue.

Excerpts from The War on Sex Workers: An unholy alliance of feminists, cops, and conservatives hurts women in the name of defending their rights, published in the February 2013 issue of Reason Magazine:

 

Not all people who do sex work are women, but women disproportionately suffer the stigma, discrimination, and violence against sex workers. The result is a war on women that is nearly imperceptible, unless you are involved in the sex trade yourself. This war is spearheaded and defended largely by other women: a coalition of feminists, conservatives, and even some human rights activists who subject sex workers to poverty, violence, and imprisonment—all in the name of defending women’s rights.

[In early 2012,]  feminist icon Gloria Steinem held court in the brothels of India as part of a humanitarian junket sponsored by the NoVo Foundation, one of the largest private women’s charities in the United States. NoVo’s money is Warren Buffett’s money: $1 billion, transferred by the second wealthiest American to his son Peter, who chairs the effort along with his wife, Jennifer. Steinem accompanied Peter and Jennifer Buffett on a tour of Sonagachi, Calcutta’s biggest red light district. Steinem came away from her visit with an astounding proposal: What would really benefit the women who worked there—whom she described to the Calcutta Telegraph as “prostituted,” characterizing their condition as “slavery”—would be to end sexual health services and peer education programs in brothels, programs that have been recognized by the United States Agency for International Development as best-practices HIV/AIDS interventions. Steinem described the women leading those health and education programs as “traffickers” and those who support them “the trafficking lobby.”

How have we arrived at this point, that in the name of “protecting” women, or even ensuring their “rights,” feminists are eager to take away their jobs and health care? Ramos, Steinem, and their allies deliberately conflate sex work and what they now call “sex trafficking” for their own reasons, not to advance the rights of sex workers. The result is—or should be—an international scandal.

On the domestic front, anti−sex work activists scored one of their biggest wins with the 2005 reauthorization of the Trafficking Victims Protection Act (TVPRA). TVPRA earmarked $50 million for law enforcement agencies to “develop and execute programs targeted at reducing male demand and to investigate and prosecute buyers of commercial sex acts.” Although ostensibly aimed at supporting victims of forced labor, TVPRA provides money for efforts to discourage men from hiring sex workers, including quasi-legal and legal activities such as escorting, pornography, stripping, and phone sex, as well as for investigating the people they attempt to hire. Although nearly all prostitution-related law in the United States is made at the state or municipal level, redefining prostitution as trafficking provides a rationale for federal action against the sex trade.

Meanwhile, legislators in many states have responded to the demands of feminist activists by boosting penalties for prostitution-related offenses and prioritizing enforcement.

An article in the August issue of Marie Claire follows Andrea Powell, executive director of Free Aware Inspired Restored (FAIR) Girls, as she trolls Backpage for classified sex ads she suspects were placed by or for minors: “Putting in an earbud and picking up her pink-and-black Kate Spade-encased iPhone to dial a local police officer, Powell says urgently, ‘We have to report her now.’ ” But when the cops set up a sting operation against the advertiser, the story continues, “she said she was in fact an adult—and didn’t want help from the police or anyone else.”

Some activists view calling the cops to “rescue” people from the sex trade as the model of a successful human rights intervention. They don’t count their victories by the number of people they help; they count them by arrests.

Sex workers bear the brunt of this coalition’s preference for using law enforcement to protect women’s rights…. A 2012 examination of prostitution-related felonies in Chicago conducted by the Chicago Reporter revealed that of 1,266 convictions during the past four years, 97 percent of the charges were made against sex workers, with a 68 percent increase between 2008 and 2011.

It is not sex work that exposes sex workers to violence; it is our willingness to abandon sex workers to violence in an attempt to control their behavior. Prohibition makes prostitution more dangerous than it would otherwise be by pushing it underground and stripping sex workers of legal protection. The fight over that policy is about more than just strains between generations of feminism. It is about an unholy marriage of feminism with the conservatism and police power that many feminists claim to stand against.

If we are going to call attacks on reproductive and sexual rights a “war on women,” then let’s talk about a war on women that has actual prisoners and a body count. It’s a war on the women engaged in sex work, waged by women who will not hesitate to use their opponents’ corpses as political props but refuse to listen to them while they are still alive and still here to fight.

 

Read The War on Sex Workers: An unholy alliance of feminists, cops, and conservatives hurts women in the name of defending their rights on Reason.com, and follow Melissa Gira Grant @melissagira on Twitter. 

 

Additional reading:

Some Feminists Are Wrongfully Fighting Against Sex Workers, by Katie J.M. Baker for Jezebel.com

Sex Trafficking on Backpage.com: Much Ado About (Statistically) Nothing, by MoSex co-editor Julie Ruvolo for TechCrunch.com

What Anti-Trafficking Advocates Can Learn from Sex Workers: The Dynamics of Choice, Circumstance, and Coercion, by Microsoft Research’s Danah Boyd

 

Featured image from Some Feminists Are Wrongfully Fighting Against Sex Workers, on Jezebel.com

Double Standards: Feminism 2013

I want to be this girl’s new BFF! Not only is she hilarious, but she speaks TRUTH!

So??

Listen here! It’s my body and I feel no shame for what I like to do with it! If you need to judge me to make yourself feel better, that just proves your own inability to be comfortable with sex. Your judgement of me is YOUR problem, not mine.

“I’ll suck a dick if I want to and you’re going to respect me … or I’ll cut off yours.”

PREACH.

Follow me, Ms. M. on Facebook or Twitter.

Have a question or comment? Email me: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com

Thanks to @_RickyMinaj and @LatinFireKrzy1

 

 

In this issue: Our most popular video posts of 2012

Friends with Benefits is a bi-weekly newsletter MoSex publishes to keep you up on your sex news and send you invites and deals just for friends of the Museum.

In this issue:

  1. Boyfriend – Like My Hand Did
  2. Love Match
  3. Fuck Bike #001
  4. Geometric pornToo hot for the App Store
  5. Iggy Azalea – PU$$Y
  6. Jennifer Rubell’s Nutcracker at Frieze New York
  7. China news confuses rubber vagina/anus for special mushroom 
  8. The Aikiu – Pieces of Gold
  9. Yeah Just ThereNot too hot for the App Store
  10. Awkwafina – My Vag

 

Check out this issue here, and sign up here so you don’t miss the next one.

 

Featured image: Screenshot from Boyfriend’s Like My Hand Did

Pencil Dicks Short Vaginas, Herpes, and Sugar Daddy Issues

Follow me on Facialbook or Twitter my Clitter!

Have a question for me? Email: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com

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Dear Ms. M.,

This is maybe a little tamer than the questions you usually get. I am a young, 19 year old guy who has been having problems with fit recently. When I first lost my virginity at 16 there were no problems, but with each consecutive girl I have had sex with, I have a harder time getting it to fit in. I have slept with four girls in total now. I think maybe I have just grown down below since I was 16, but maybe I am just doing something wrong. It is more of a depth problem than width usually, and even with lube and lots of foreplay, for the girls it isn’t solved. It is really frustrating not to be able to go all the way in and I was wondering what could help fix this. It is stopping me from enjoying sex as much, especially since the girls find it painful, and having my partner enjoy it is paramount to my own enjoyment as well. As young teenager I never would have thought that I would have wanted a shorter penis; I don’t even think mine is that big (actually I am quite sure). Is it possible these girls just have short vaginas? Is this a common problem? Anything you can tell me would be useful, thanks!

-In Too Deep

P.S.: Not sure if this is inappropriate to include, but my penis is only 18cm (about 7 inches) in length.

ITD,

I am very pleased to hear you are using lube and engaging in lots of foreplay. I am even more impressed to hear that having your partner enjoy it is paramount to your own enjoyment. You are a wonderful example of a sexually conscious evolved male. Kudos!

When I read your email, I was reminded of a guy I used to date nicknamed Tripod, because basically, it was like a third leg. We didn’t need lube (I get very wet naturally on my own), but he always spent a good 30+ minutes on foreplay. When he did finally penetrate me, I was so eager and hungry for him, he would basically stay still and I would grind my way to greater and greater depths. He was 11+ inches. Only once after a three-day trip we took together, did I feel sore from all the sex.

That being said, I’ve also had sex with guys much smaller than Tripod and smaller than you, yet some of them had this notion that pounding me hard, fast, and forcefully was the way to magically and instantly make me cum. So you see, it’s not necessarily the size of your cock, but how you work it.

Consider the motion in the ocean. Are you going bang bang bang, hammering away? Or, are you slowly entering her, teasing her, and listening to her body? Are you allowing her to suck you inside of her between her legs, because she’s so hungry for it, she needs it? Or are you pounding her?

Hardcore porn tends to teach younger guys the wrong way to do it. Sport sex can be fun on occasion, but remember, porn stars are PAID TO ACT like they’re into it; it’s not a fine example of how to truly please a woman. Go in slow motion, to where you’re driving yourself crazy. Try not to stick the whole thing in there in one big jabbing force.

You can also try switching up the angles. Let her be on top and be the one in control. Or, if you’re on top, go inside of her, then put her legs together and your legs around the outside of her legs. You can also try putting a pillow under her bum to vary the angle.

More importantly, remember you’re only at the beginning of your sexual pilgrimage. If you’re having sex with girls your age, they are likely as new to sex as you are. Odds are, they don’t know what they’re doing yet. Keep trying: patience, perseverance, and practice are key ingredients. Maybe hook-up with an older or more experienced gal who can give you more relevant honest feedback.

Good Luck,

Ms. M.

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Ms. M.,

I found Valtrex in my boyfriend’s bathroom cabinet and his name was on the prescription label. When we started having sex, he swore to me he didn’t have anything so we’ve been having sex unprotected for nearly six months now. I’m so pissed I want to kill him, and definitely considering breaking up. A friend said I probably will not get herpes so long as we don’t have sex when he has a visible sore. Is this true or do you think I have already gotten herpes? I’m so mad he lied and didn’t tell me.

-Betrayed In Boston

Hold your horses there, Betrayed. You’re jumping to conclusions and living in the heat of emotion. You haven’t even communicated with your partner about this find, yet you feel your relationship is at a level where it’s okay to have unprotected sex regularly—doesn’t add up.

If you were in a great relationship, you would calmly and coolly explain you were searching for Advil or toilet paper or toothpaste and noticed the bottle of Valtrex with his name on it. Then you would ask, “Is there something I should know? Are you okay?”

He hasn’t necessarily lied. Valtrex is used to treat alpha-herpes viruses, including herpes simplex viruses 1 & 2 (what you’re worried about), plus varicella zoster virus, which causes chicken pox and shingles. So basically, it’s possible he has Valtrex because he had a bad case of shingles, which is not an STD. While they all may be of the same viral family, it’s important you remember the varicella zoster virus that causes shingles does not and will not cause herpes.

If he does have herpes, then yes, it’s possible you have contracted it. It’s a virus that stays dormant in the body, so until you get your first outbreak, you won’t show any symptoms and you can still possibly infect partners. If you have no symptoms but would like to know if you have contracted the virus, you can opt to take a blood test or an antibody test.  Here’s some information on test types, so you can determine which might be best for you.

If you do in fact have the virus, it doesn’t necessarily mean he was the one who gave it to you. In the USA alone, one in four sexually active women and one in five sexually active men have herpes. Additionally, among the estimated 50 million Americans who have genital herpes, 90% don’t know they have the disease. One last thing while we’re on the topic: those blisters on people’s mouths everyone calls “cold sores” are actually herpes simplex type 1. Don’t let them fool you!

-Ms. M.

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Dear Ms. M.,

I have been in a relationship with a man who started out as my sugar daddy. He pays my rent and all my college expenses and gives me spending money. We go out to nice restaurants and also have occasional threesomes with other girls, which I enjoyed until recently. You see, I’ve developed feelings for him I can’t explain. We have a huge age difference and looks wise, it doesn’t make sense. I’m afraid to tell him because if I do, he might end the relationship and cut me off. But at the same time, I hate hearing about his mean nagging wife, their family vacations she organizes, and her redecorating plans of their huge townhouse. I deserve what she has, not her. He also has three kids, so I doubt he will leave his family to be with me. What should I do?

Falling for your sugar daddy is like being a drug dealer and gettin’ high on your own supply. You just don’t do it! You got into this situation for money, and at best a friendship—not love.

Most importantly, you do not deserve what his wife has, you deserve better. You deserve a man who wouldn’t cheat on you if you were his wife (unless you were both cool with an open marriage). You deserve a man, who, when faced with a sexless miserable marriage would communicate, seek therapy, or divorce. That is a real man, one who makes a valiant effort, BUT who is also true to himself. If a man is not true to himself, how could you ever expect he remain true to you or your marriage? You may be thinking he wouldn’t cheat on you if you were his wife, but what about in 20 years when you get old and boring? Men have sugar babies for the same reason dogs lick their balls: because they can. And yet, a lot of them have a profound need for affection, sex, and to feel needed by someone, but ironically don’t have the balls to leave their wives who aren’t fulfilling their needs.

He’s not going to leave his miserable nagging wife. You are selling your long-term self short for some cash and the façade of security; that’s not cool. Personally, I think it’s fine to have a sugar daddy at this point in your life. In fact, the experience will hopefully provide you with some insight to men, bad marriages, and how powerful you can be as a female (see Erotic Capital). But once you’re out of college, it’s imperative you make your own money and provide yourself with security, or you’ll wind up being no different than his wife.

The greatest thing that could come out of a long-term relationship like this, besides the obvious mutually beneficial arrangement, is a profound lasting friendship. One day you may not still have sex and you may not be supported by him financially, but you will hopefully always be able to call each other up and shoot the breeze with ease.

You need to get over your romantic feelings for him. Find another guy, ideally hotter and younger to crush on and distract yourself; have lots of sex with the young stud. Take a small break from the sugar daddy, go on a trip, get your groove back like Stella. But whatever you do, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, tell your sugar daddy you have feelings for him. It will make life much more complicated for you both. Let it be! He likes being needed, but not being possessed or nagged the way his wife treats him. You are his fun escape from the world; remain so, and remain in your current lifestyle.

You could also consider getting a job and taking out student loans like the rest of American students, but who wants to pay off loans for the rest of their life? Maybe just find another sugar daddy. Affection-starved, sex-starved men in miserable marriages are extremely easy to find. Apparently, there are tons of girls at NYU with them. Screw the expensive costs of college education in this country, and screw the man … oh wait, you are.  ;)

Much Love,

Ms. M.

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Follow me on Facialbook or Twitter my Clitter!

Have a question for me? Email: AdviceFromMsM@gmail.com