MoSEX | Blog
meta description test
1815
blog,paged,paged-2,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,select-theme-ver-1.7.1,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-4.3.5,vc_responsive

Sexualpedia Part 5: Why Do I Like Wetlook?

Sexualpedia is an open-ended series of articles that will explain the source of many common erotic interests using neuroscience, biology, and online behavioral data.

WETLOOK (uncued interest; some examples may be cued interest)

Prevalence: Rare

Cues: Likely an uncued interest; male anatomical and male dominance cues may be involved

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

Derek Kroft is a financial manager in Boston. After returning home in 2009 (1), he surfs over to one of his favorite websites and scans a page of new photos. There’s a smiling blonde wearing a white cotton tee, a redhead in a maroon sweater kneeling on a stump, and a Hispanic girl in torn jeans and a tank top, which could work if he was pressed for time, but this evening Derek is looking for something special. He jumps to another website, then another, but nothing gets his blood pumping. Finally, he tries a slapdash British site that rarely posts new content—but this time, pay dirt: a startled brunette in a forest green evening gown. And an added bonus: matching satin gloves. The evening gown is an important part of the equation for Derek—the high point, you might say—but is not absolutely essential. What is essential is the particular state of the young woman’s wardrobe: her expensive dress is soaking wet. The rain-saturated gown clings to her legs and bosom; her carefully-coiffed chestnut hair is a drenched, matted mess; swollen droplets roll off the tips of her fancy gloves; and her pretty, goggle-eyed face expresses total shock from this ruinous state of affairs. Perfect!

Derek’s special predilection might seem a bit unusual, but it’s part of a well-defined erotic niche known as wetlook. Wetlook enthusiasts ogle images of women (and men) in soggy clothing. Before the Internet, the only way Derek could satisfy his exacting taste was the rare movie that featured a wetlook scene (Tarzan, the Ape Man with Bo Derek in a dripping white cotton dress was a magical favorite). Now, dozens of websites devote themselves to this niche, including WetlookPlanet.com, WetlookWorld.com, and WetlookCouples.com (1). But as Derek’s own particular affection for waterlogged evening gowns demonstrates, the wetlook niche can be broken down into even more narrow sub-niches: wet T-shirts are certainly most popular, but saturated jogging outfits have their own devotees, as do men in business suits rising out of swimming pools and women getting splattered by wet dogs. Some wetlook sites specialize in outdoor scenes; some focus on bathroom scenes. There’s celebrity wetlook and group wetlook, while ThaiWetlook.com, DutchWetlook.com, and WetlookRomania.com demonstrate the international diversity of the niche. Wetlook overlaps other erotic niches: muddy (men and women smeared with mud), messy (bespattered with various liquids, suds, and oils), and wam (wet AND messy).

But why in the world would anyone become sexually aroused—sexually fixated, you might say—on amateurs in wet clothing? The answer is somewhat different than the explanation of men’s predilection for breasts or women’s predilection for billionaires. Breasts and billionaires are both cued interests. Most wetlook, however, may be an uncued interest.

According to cue theory, we are all born with specific sexual predispositions—cues—that tend to draw our attention to certain physical and psychological features of potential sexual partners. Most male cues are visual, most female cues are psychological, though the full range of cues for both sexes are quite diverse. The top 50 most popular sexual interests (measured by the frequency of online sexual searches) are all cued interests; if we have a biological predisposition towards certain kinds of erotic interests, then these interests should be most common.

Wetlook, on the other hand, is a rare interest. It does not crack the top 100 list of the most common sexual interests. This fact alone hints at the operation of a different kind of sexual mechanism. But there’s another clue that sets wetlook apart from an interest in busty or billionaires: people who are fans of wetlook almost always have an “origin story”—a vivid memory of the very first time the sexual interest manifested itself. From our research, it’s possible to have origin stories for cued interests, but it’s the norm for uncued interests.

“When I was nineteen, I had a hydrocele, which is the accumulation of fluid around the testicle. The doctor needed to check how it was doing using ultrasound. So I was in the doctor’s office lying on the cot with my pants down, and the female technician rubbed this warm gel on my testicles,” explains Billy Chou (2), a Massachusetts government employee. “But then she took the ultrasound tool and began to roll it around my testicles. Instant hard-on. Ever since then, I get intensely turned on by doctor’s offices. Once I’m on the exam table I can even get hard around a male doctor.”

What’s going on? For men, there appears to be a special window of time when sexual interests can form—what biologists call a critical period. During the critical period, male sexual interests are acquired and consolidated during a process of sexual imprinting. While it’s not ethical to experimentally manipulate sexual imprinting in humans, biologists have been studying imprinting in animals for a long time.

In studies where male sheep were raised by goats, the young sheep sexually imprinted upon goats during the sheep’s critical period. Afterwards, the male sheep would only try to mate with goats. Other sheep were not sexually desirable. In contrast, when female sheep were raised by goats, their imprinting was reversible. The female sheep could become willing to mate with other sheep. This same pattern of irreversible male sexual imprinting and weak female imprinting was observed when young goats were raised by sheep.

A critical period for sexual imprinting is also supported by research on birds, including the “guinea pig of sexual imprinting research”: zebra finches. A male finch’s ideas about what a sexy partner looks like are strongly influenced by how its mother looks. However, this influence only operates during a few months when the bird is about a year old. During this critical period, a visual representation of the ideal female is burned into the male finch brain and will guide its sexual behavior for life. (Intriguingly, female finches are more likely than males to form “visual fetishes”, such as preferring a single brightly colored feather, if their father possessed such a cue. But, unlike humans, the male finch is more colorful and ornamented than the female.) When researchers prevented a male finch from seeing its mother during the critical period, it never developed a visual attraction to female finches.

Scientists have discovered two relevant discoveries in sexual imprinting in animals, especially birds. First, some things are more easily sexually imprinted than other things—it’s easier to sexually imprint a rooster on a chicken’s wattle than a chicken’s legs, for example, emphasizing the role of cues. Second, it’s not just the initial exposure that matters for imprinting (what is called “acquisition”) but also a period of “consolidation” where contextual factors influence whether a novel interest gets fixed. If other erotic contextual stimuli are present and highly salient—or, most powerfully of all, if ejaculation accompanies the exposure to the novel interest—then the male is much more likely to imprint.

In men, sexual imprinting seems more likely to occur when two different contextual factors are present. First, a strong tactile or olfactory stimuli. If a male is touched, especially around the genitals, or smells a strong odor this seems to increase the likelilood of imprinting. This may also contribute to many latex and leather fetishes. Second, if there’s a strong emotional response, this also serves to increase imprinting. Billy Chou was touched on his testicles during a striking emotional experience where he felt vulnerable and exposed.

There are several types of wetlook interests (3) and several of them appear to be examples of sexual imprinting on an uncued interest. Many wetlook fans are sexually aroused by being soaking wet themselves. These interests may have formed during an early incident when they were pushed into the water by someone or fell into the water with members of the opposite sex present. A strong tactile sensation (immersion) accompanied by a strong emotion (fear, embarrassment, pleasure). Other male wetlook fans (both gay and straight) had an early experience where they cuddled or kissed someone in the rain or in another situation where they were clothed but soaking wet (one man told us that when he was 12 he rolled around in the mud with a girl).

However, other men report no “origin story” for their interest and assert that they simply like the way women look when they are wet, muddy, or messy. It’s possible that this might reflect a form of cued interest—the natural male predilection for female gynoid curves, whose geometries are visually enhanced by the body-clinging and body-emphasizing effects of wet or muddy clothes. In addition, the male dominance cue might come into play, as some wetlook fans appreciate the look of surprise or concern on a women’s face when she is unexpectedly doused or muddied up.

Before the Internet, wetlook fans had a difficult time indulging in their interest, as the opportunities to ogle wet or muddy women were relatively rare. Today—as with so many other uncommon interests—it’s possible to obtain a near-constant supply of new wetlook material. Whether this should be celebrated or condemned is not something that science can decide.

(1) The websites mentioned here are from 2009.(1)

(2) We’ve changed the names of Billy Chou and Derek Kroft.

(3) The vast majority of wetlook fans are male. Though there are anecdotes of female wetlook fans, we couldn’t find enough relevant online behavioral data about them during our research to draw any conclusions about them.

Dr. Ogi Ogas received his PhD in computational neuroscience from Boston University and was a Department of Homeland Security Fellow. His writing has been published in the Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Wired, Baltimore Magazine, and Seed.  He used his knowledge of cognition to reach the million dollar question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and battle Ken Jennings in the finals of Grand Slam.

Dropping Spaghetti: Horrifying Masturbation Stories Edition

I bring you hilarity from the deepest (though not darkest) recesses of the internet – 4chan.

“Horror” stories about masturbation gone wrong – real stories from real (anonymous) people about the horrible and hilarious side of masturbation. Most of the stories deal with getting caught by family/strangers in embarrassing cumming situations – sadly guy’s stories are a bit overrepresented…hopefully some of you women will chime in the comments and share your own adventures in masturbation.

Heck, to make this even more interesting, I’ll even share a personal horror story –

I’m about 15 years old, flying to Italy on a plane alone. Get really horny and realize that if I go to jerk off in the plane stall and face the direction the plane is traveling at about 800mph, I’ll blow a load whose exit speed might even break the sound barrier. Think this is amazing and deicide to give it a try. Am furiously masturbating in the stall – apparently in my excitement at this amazing idea, I failed to properly lock the stall. Just as I’m about to cum, someone opens the stall door and walks in – “oh god no, I’m cumming” I shout as the door opens. I hear a voice behind me say “oh jesus” and the door slams shut. I spent about 20 minutes more in there, hoping that the crowd near the stall rotates and I can leave without anyone that witnessed my shame identifying me. Btw – sadly, my ejaculation didn’t create a sonic boom. :(

Without further ado, here are a few of the greatest hits from this ephemeral conversation thread:

>be 14
>on ski vacation with parents
>come back to hotel early
>fap time
>start fapping in main room for reasons
>glorious.jpg
>blow load
>biggest load 14 year old self has blown
>parents come in
>ohshit.jpg
>still have a few seconds before they see me
>stuff boner in pants
>grab all the jizz with my hands
>parents oblivious, sit down and talk to me
>goddammit
>sit there for 20 minutes with a semen-filled fist
>worst fap ever

***

>Wearing headphones
>slowly work my hand down
>begin furiously beating my meat like it broke into my house
>feel the massive build up
>close my eyes in ecstasy
>cum buckets
>open my eyes to see a sandwich and drink in front of me
>wasn’t there when i started 20 minutes ago…

***

>Be 18
>Get a whole day with the house to myself
>Finally get to watch porn with sound
>Get in the nude
>Fapping begins
>Video gets boring
>Turn around in chair, close my eyes and listen to the awesome audio.
>Opens eyes to watch glorious load make a perfect ark across room.
>Load lands on dog who was watching the entire time.
>bullseye.png
>Dog starts yelping and runs around the house because shes got cum in her eyes.
>Catch dog and clean uber sticky cum. Make sure that bitch is clean.
>Parents come back and notice dogs eyes are red and swollen.
>I have to take dog to vet to see whats wrong.
>Way to much fucking work for a simple fap.

***

>be 15
>in my room
>take off all my clothes, start to fap
>fapping naked on the bed, ready to cum
>hear footsteps approaching
>quickly pull the blanket over myself
>mom walks in
>starts talking to me about some random shit
>feel her ass against my thigh, can’t help myself
>cum all over myself under the blanket
>she’s oblivious
>oh god the shame

And that’s how my milf fetish started

***

>be 14
>begin to sleep nude
>fap everymorning after mom wakes me up for school
>this time takes unusually long
>blow my load in my blanket fbf.jpeg
>fal lasleep
>mom comes in, pissed im not awake yet
>rips blanket off me
>sees me asleep with hand around cock
>she sent some jizz flying onto her arm
>she screams at me and leaves
>get home from school, mom talks about proper jizz relocation

***

>Be 20
>Sexy sister-in-law sunbathing by pool
>She fell asleep
>No one else at home
>I decide to stare at her beautiful ass and fap while staying in the pool
>Cum
>Look over to see brother-in-law watching me through the window

***

>staying at girlfriends place
>she won’t put out
>have to sleep in guest room
>2am
>punishing my schpoople like a fucking maniac
>door swings open
>girlfriend standing there
>eye contact is made
>cannon is ready to fire
>FIRE!
>cum flies 9 feet and gets her right in the face
>she stares at me for a second
>freaks out
>her dad wakes up
>I’m already leaving
>walk 14 miles home
>we laugh about it still to this day
>she begs for a facial when we fuck

***

>be in afghanistan
>be on post
>really tired so i decide to beat it to stay awake
>shits getting intense
>fuck my sectors
>radio beeps
>post 3 post 3 this is the sog, battalion can see you wanking it on the gboss

note: “gboss” is a huge thermal camera

***

>sleeping in my room with our new dog
>decide to fap before sleep
>cum buckets for a 14old
>still boner
>need to piss..
>late night so decide not to put underwear back on
>suddenly dog barks
>mom comes in with light speed from room next to me
>standing in middle of room with raging boner
>cum drips of
>she thinks i tried/did fuck the dog (it was a bitch)
>she says nothing takes dog, leaves room
>megatron 9000 shamefeelings
>go piss
>nearly cry of shame when back in bed

>later she tells my 18yo sister
>same shame again

>be 3 years later (17yo)
>find dildos and sex stuff from parents
>she has friends there, drinkin tea and stuff
>still remember her betrayal
>get bag of sex toys (some of them still sloppy)

> get in living room where friends and mom are
> give her opened bag with large dildos and stuff
> her friends like most awesome wtf faces i ever saw..
> “dont hide that in the bathroom plz”

> go away
> *evil-insane-trollface.jpg*

>later she asks me why i did this to her, nearly crying
> “i never fucked that dog”

***

>be 13
>sitting at home after school, mum’s out and dad’s doing the washing
>in my room
>jam the back of my hairbrush in my pussy after hearing a friend did it
>doesn’t fit but i’m still wet.. anyway, grab something to eat and sit in front of tv
>sitting against couch underneath coffee table
>see one of those promotional thick pens with logos etc on the table
>my line of sight means i would see if dad came in ages before he could see me so i don’t worry
>slide it into my pussy (wearing a skirt so i just part my panties to one side)
>can’t remember what i’m watching, but it was probably animaniacs or some crap
>end up fapping like mad jamming it in and out
>eventually it feels uncomfortable so i put the pen on the table and start rubbing my clit
>come everywhere, panties soaked, hands look like i’ve just dipped them in a tub of hair gel
>phone rings
>dad comes in, i jump, he gives me a weird look
>i sit there as dad is on the phone, waiting for him to leave so i can clean myself up or at least look away so i can get up and leave
>he comes over and grabs the pen off the couch to write something down.
>his face when he notices it’s gooey and mfw i know that he knows exactly what it is

***

>be 15
>used to go to cousins house often to fap into any bra i would get in their bathroom
>Be fapping by rubbing cock furiously on cousins bra.(forgot to lock door this day)After i blow my load off i look back to see her looking at me with eyes wide open
>she just runs away and then acts like nothing happened.never talk about it and infact almost never talk and it’s been awkard always after that

***

>Be 19
>With GF at her dorm
>Haven’t fucked yet, she’s still giving me hj’s and shit
>One night I’m in the shower with her and she can’t get me to cum
>I start beating it furiously
>15 minutes pass, I keep feeling like I’m about to, then losing the feeling
>She’s doing insanely hot shit like rubbing her big tits in my face and whatnot, still not getting me there
>Raging, already going to be 20 minutes late to work because of my folly
>She says its okay, “I’ll make you cum when you get off work”
>For me that’s just sweet frosting on a shit cake
>I leave and get in my truck, still hard as shit
>About to peel out as I leave the parking lot when I hit a speed bump I didn’t see
>Jolt of hitting the bump somehow causes me to blow my load in my pants
>30 minutes late to work, cumsoaked pants
>mfw utterly confused

***

>be 5 years ago, 18 still live with parents
>tired of clean up procedures so fap directly in to the toilet
>straddling the bowl awkwardly
>the toilet seat is pressing against my gooch in an interesting and strangely pleasurable way
>maximize feeling by repositioning to a more awkward half kneeling half straddle
>cum and feels fantastic, but nothing comes out
>freak out and stand up
>huge load shoots out at massive force all over the toilet, the tank, and floor around it, splashing back at me
>some gets on my face
>have to clean up this chemical spill disaster
>later my mom asks if I cleaned the bathroom because it looked nice

***

>be 15
>be at friends house
>hot sister in the back sunbathing
>some family party coming on
>get boner from looking at her
>go to bathroom
>lelfaptime.jpg
>finish look around see there cousin(female)*
>later see her doing the hand motion of fapping at the dinner table
>everyone freaks out
>they ask her where she saw this/who made her do this
>points at me
>wat, n-no ii-i didn’t teach her that
was never allowed to go to my friends house again.

*The above story has been changed from the original.

***

END

Sexualpedia Part 4: Why Do I Like Billionaires?

Sexualpedia is an open-ended series of articles that will explain the source of many common erotic interests using neuroscience, biology, and online behavioral data.

Our first entry in the Men’s Sexualpedia was busty, one of the most prevalent erotic interests for male brains around the world. We open the Women’s Sexualpedia with the erotic interest that may serve as busty’s equivalent in the female brain: billionaires.

Billionaire Montage Sexualpedia

“Billionaire” is as prominent in the titles of romance novels and female-authored erotic tales as “busty” is in porn sites: The Billionaire’s New Assistant; Untamed Billionaire, Undressed Virgin; The Billionaire’s Baby Bargain. In the romance titles on Amazon in 2010, there were 286 billionaires (and 415 millionaires and 263 sheiks). The explosively popular erotic novel 50 Shades of Gray features a typical example of a fictional billionaire that stirs female arousal:

“Miss Kavanagh.” He extends a long-fingered hand to me once I’m upright. “I’m Christian Grey. Are you all right? Would you like to sit?”

So young – and attractive, very attractive. He’s tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes that regard me shrewdly. It takes a moment for me to find my voice. “Um. Actually–” I mutter. If this guy is over thirty then I’m a monkey’s uncle. In a daze, I place my hand in his and we shake. As our fingers touch, I feel an odd exhilarating shiver run through me. I withdraw my hand hastily, embarrassed. Must be static. I blink rapidly, my eyelids matching my heart rate.

“[Your paintings] are lovely. Raising the ordinary to extraordinary,” I murmur, distracted both by him and the paintings. He cocks his head to one side and regards me intently. “I couldn’t agree more, Miss Steele,” he replies, his voice soft and for some inexplicable reason I find myself blushing.

Fabulously wealthy heroes have always been mainstays of romance fiction. The 1740 book Pamela, arguably the first romance novel, follows the courtship of a fifteen-year-old servant-maid by her master, Mr. B, a wealthy nobleman. Jane Austen’s heroes usually boasted aristocratic wealth. If one goes back 20 years or more, millionaires and sheiks replace billionaires as romance heroes (especially in Harlequin books), but a million dollars just doesn’t carry as much weight with twenty-first century women. Billionaire sheiks still have cross-cultural appeal even for Americans; a scene in the first season of the TV show Homeland portrays dozens of beautiful American women auditioning to be a companion for a Saudi prince. Even paranormal romance, with supernatural characters and situations, often emphasize the financial authority of its paranormal characters such as the blind vampire prince Wrath in J.R.Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series who controls vast international wealth.

Material resources are arousing to females all across the animal kingdom. Female chimpanzees prefer males with the largest quantity of meat. Female pelicans prefer males who give them the most fish. The female wolf spider prefers males who bring them the largest insect. The female bower bird famously prefers the male with the most sumptuous and elaborate bower. But it’s likely that the female interest in billionaires is predicated on something even more basic. As Henry Kissinger famously said, “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”

Power is a reflection of a man’s rank in the dominance hierarchy, and women (like all female primates) are attracted to the men near the top. When romance heroines swoon and shiver over the sight of billionaires it’s not so much at their lavish expenditures (though that doesn’t hurt), it’s at their vibrant projection of unbridled power. Consider this passage from Ruth Cardello’s Maid for the Billionaire; even though he reeks of booze, the hero’s mere existence incites the heroine’s lust:

His back straightened and she caught her breath, reeling from the full impact of his attention. God, he’s beautiful. His dark gray eyes raked over her, flashing with irritation and then something else. He cut the distance between them in a few short strides. A hint of alcohol reached her as he stopped mere inches from her. She tipped her head back to look up at him.

“Did Jake send you?” he asked as he assessed her. “You don’t look like a model.”

She blinked a few times in surprise as some of her sympathy for him faded. “And you don’t smell like a man who should be wearing an Armani, but I wasn’t going to mention it,” she answered in a huff.

Her words stirred something in him; his shoulders squared and his eyes narrowed. This was a man who was not accustomed to people speaking back to him, but if he was trying to intimidate her, his nearness was creating the entirely wrong reaction in her body. Even in his rumpled suit, or maybe because of it, he was the sexiest man she’d ever seen in person.

She wanted to reach up and run a hand over the rough stubble on his cheek. “I didn’t say you were unattractive,” he growled. “You’re just not reed thin like the women I’m used to.”

That’s it. She put her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows in a silent challenge. Time suspended as their standoff continued. His look of annoyance was steeped with an expectation that she should try to appease him in some way.

Study after study has demonstrated the erotic appeal of male dominance. Women prefer the voices of dominant men, the scent of dominant men, the movement and gait of dominant men, and the facial features of dominant men. Scientists believe that the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex may be responsible for processing cues indicating social status or dominance, and it appears that almost all female brains are susceptible to dominance cues. One woman who met Bill Clinton reported, “I met [Clinton] as part of a governmental panel while he was president. I’m a lesbian, but the powerful attraction I felt toward him for an instant made me question whether I really was!”

In the same way that bustyness provides a quick index of youth, health, and fertility (through estrogen-influenced gynoid fat deposits), billionaires succinctly imply status and power, even in the absence of any actions on the man’s part. It’s no wonder that erotic stories involving billionaires tend to involve the domination, seduction, and, forceful ravishing of heroines—women trembling and quivering beneath the masculine authority of the billionaire.

So if men like busty and women like billionaires, is there an erotic place where the two meet? We could find no books with both “busty” and “billionaire” in the title; neither could we find a porn movie or porn site with both words. Billionaires do not seem to hold much erotic charge with men (not even with gay men; we couldn’t find any gay porn featuring billionaire characters); while a heroine’s well-endowed bustline isn’t often emphasized in romance novels, female-authored erotica, or fan fiction. One might guess that a novel titled Carlos Slim and the Double-D Secretary Senorita would be a cross-over erotic hit—or, perhaps, would not find much traction at all.

Dr. Ogi Ogas received his PhD in computational neuroscience from Boston University and was a Department of Homeland Security Fellow. His writing has been published in the Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Wired, Baltimore Magazine, and Seed.  He used his knowledge of cognition to reach the million dollar question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and battle Ken Jennings in the finals of Grand Slam.

 

Kinky Boots

UPDATE: Congratulations, Christopher, on the winning caption:

“Facial expressions say it all and nothing says kinky more than the woman in blue with glasses informing her husband to the right with glasses that he is going to be wearing those Stunner Boots for her at dinner time. Yowzaa!”

Thank you everyone for participating. Stay tuned for our next giveaway.

CAPTION CONTEST! Share your caption for the photo below via comments and enter to win two (2) tickets to see Kinky Boots on Broadway. The winner will be announced on Tuesday, April 2, 2013. Offer valid in the U.S. only.

KINKY-BOOTS_610

Check out Broadway’s must-see new musical Kinky Boots, featuring a score from Grammy® Award-winning pop icon Cyndi Lauper and Tony Award® winner Harvey Fierstein.

Charlie Price (Tony nominee Stark Sands) has suddenly inherited his father’s shoe factory, which is on the verge of bankruptcy. Trying to live up to his father’s legacy and save his family business, Charlie finds inspiration in the form of Lola (Billy Porter). A fabulous entertainer in need of some sturdy stilettos, Lola turns out to be the one person who can help Charlie become the man he’s meant to be. As they work to turn the factory around, this unlikely pair finds that they have more in common than they ever dreamed possible… and discovers that when you change your mind about someone, you can change your whole world.

Save over 40% on tickets with Mosex discount code KBLUC211.

Valid for performances from Sunday, March 3 through Sunday, May 5, 2013. Purchase tickets online, call 212-947-8844  or visit the box office at the Al Hirschfield Theatre (302 W. 45th Street).  Offer subject to availability and prior sale. Blackout dates may apply.

Happy International Women’s Day!

Dedicated to the greatest most amazing phenomenal woman I know, without whom, I would be nothing. Thank you, Grace.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

A couple of days ago I noticed an ad in the Union Square subway station that featured a hipster looking girl wearing a skirt and glasses. I don’t recall what the ad was for, but someone had drawn a speech balloon next to her face, and inside it wrote, “I love cock.”

I thought to myself, why wouldn’t you want a girl who loves cock? What’s wrong with loving cock … unless of course, you’re a lesbian? Society expects women to please men more than it expects men to please women and there is something inherently wrong with that—especially when, as women, we’re mocked for loving something as natural as sex or cock. Why is loving cock a bad thing? It’s like we’re damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. I would hope your girlfriend, wife, or partner loves your cock, otherwise you must have a terribly mundane and horrible sex life. Doesn’t everybody who isn’t asexual want a rockin’ sex life? I mean, sex, drugs, rock-n-roll—they’re all fucking awesome.

As I walked home, I started thinking about how retarded and unjust it is that women who are stopped by the NYPD can be arrested for prostitution based solely on the circumstantial evidence of carrying a condom. A recent article by Molly Crabapple in Vice brought this to my attention and it absolutely horrified me to hear the various stories she uncovered. How many times have I been walking to one of my speaking engagements at a school or university, always looking fierce and fabulous, and always carrying condoms on me to distribute to students. As my attorney often says, “No good deed goes unpunished.” I mean, it’s like Victorian era England, when women were arrested for walking around after dark because that automatically deemed them whores. It’s 2013. WTF? A woman shouldn’t be shamed, much less arrested, for loving cock or carrying condoms. She’s being smart and safe, sex worker or not, and that should be rewarded by society, not condemned.

I began thinking about how ridiculous it is we’ve had to fight so hard simply for the right to choose what we do with our bodies and for the right to have birth control covered by our health insurance providers. This is America. Why shouldn’t I have the simple freedom of choosing what I do with my life and my body? I’ll tell you who the real pussies are: men who are afraid of feminine power and who try to oppress us. Real men are the ones who nurture us, respect us, adore us, and love us as equals; who value our pleasure as much as their own. We’ve had to work so hard, simply to have some rights as to what we can and can’t do with our bodies and our lives, and in this day and age, it appalls me the fight still continues in a country founded upon freedom and individual choice.

Then today I saw a TED talk that really put everything into perspective. It made me realize that although it may seem like we have a tough fight here in America with all of our little-dicked, petrified-of-female-pleasure, conservative politicians, elsewhere in the world it’s actually much worse.

You see, a little girl in Kenya had to make a deal with her father at a very young age. Kakenya Ntaiya agreed to undergo the Massai ceremonial practice of female genital mutilation in exchange for further education. She didn’t want to stop going to school and get married at twelve years old like most girls traditionally do in her village. She didn’t want to be subservient and abused and beaten like her mother had been. She wanted a better life, and so she sacrificed a part of her body in order to do so.

She was allowed to continue through high school in her village, and then with great determination and persistence, she was able to persuade the elder men of her village to support her decision to go to college in the US. Eventually she went to graduate school and worked at the UN before going back home and opening a school for girls. She has since altered the destiny of 125 very lucky little girls, saving them from genital mutilation and also providing them with the opportunity to educate themselves at the school she founded.

All across the world and all across the spectrum, women have been fighting for equality for thousands of years. While I hate the word feminism and many aspects of the feminist movement throughout history, the fact still remains: inequality still exists all over the world and women are still oppressed. All of us (not just women) need to do whatever we can to work toward enlightened equality together.

Side note: I was hanging out with my two guy best friends at their bachelor pad, came out of the bathroom, and declared I had a feminist announcement to make. They looked up big-eyed, bracing themselves.

Just so you know, I put the toilet lid back up because I am respectful of the fact I am in an apartment with all men. Then I washed the shit out of my hands.”

This is what I want the word feminism to represent—respect and equality for all.

I love men, I love cock, and I am proud of it! But I only give my love to a man who loves every part of who I am, respects every part of who I am, and treats me as an equal partner and team player; that is my freedom, and that is my choice.

In celebration of International Women’s Day, I have a call to action for all you ladies out there: stop wasting your time on men who don’t value you or your pleasure. Stop settling for men who don’t respect you and treat you like a queen. But when you do find a REAL man, one who does adore you and respect you and your pleasure, ROCK HIS MOTHERF*CKING WORLD and appreciate the shit out of him.

As women we need to build each other up and support one another. Let’s stop judging looks and appearances, and let’s stop with the gossiping. Let’s begin to appreciate the beauty in each and every one of us. We must encourage, empower, and inspire each other, not just today, but everyday.

Men, do something awesome for the ladies in your lives. We go through a week of bleeding every month and have the ability to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon. Don’t let that threaten you or freak you out, guys. Embrace it. It’s human—just like you.

In celebration of International Women’s Day, I’d like to recognize and thank Kakenya Ntaiya. To learn more and support her dream of educating and empowering the girls of Kenya, please click here.

Follow me, Ms. M. on Twitter or Facebook!

 

Cobra Libre Contest and Giveaway

UPDATE: Congratulations, Anthony, on the winning caption: Patchy Paul and Little Paul starring in ‘Barney and Friends have a Picnic.’

Thank you everyone for participating. Please stay tuned for our next giveaway.

GENTLEMEN: Fun Factory’s Cobra Libre ($149.99) could be yours.

The hood of this masturbator holds the penis shaft in place, allowing the vibrating ridge inside to massage your most sensitive areas. The soft silicone of the inner toy shaft hugs the penis tightly and the powerful, quiet dual motors deliver a variety of pulsing vibrations directly to the sensitive penis glans. Featuring 6.3″ in total length and intuitive control buttons, the Cobra Libre is fully rechargeable with innovative Click ‘N’ Share technology.

SHARE YOUR CAPTION FOR THIS PHOTO IN THE COMMENTS BELOW AND ENTER TO WIN YOUR VERY OWN COBRA LIBRE. The winner will be announced on Monday, March 18, 2013. Offer valid in the U.S. only.

Fun Factory

(This photo features Patchy Paul and Little Paul Fun Factory vibes also for sale at the Museum store.)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Porn On YouTube

I always thought that there was no porn on YouTube.

Granted, you’ll have the cats from 4chan find ways to post porn here and there but, it usually only lasts a few minutes or hours at best before the YouTube police find and delete it. But finding a full porno, with over 100k views…no way!

Unless it was starring Ninja Turtles.

Yep, that’s what I found. Porn on Youtube. Starring Ninja Turtles.

This is one of the most WHAT THE FUCK things I have seen in a really long time. This is coming from me, mind you.

Also, it’s kinda SFW, as they don’t show actual genitals.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSvnm3e32S0&feature=youtu.be

This piece of internet comes courtesy of James Unsworth, a UK-based artist.

It’s worth checking out his other stuff if yer into art that’s on the periphery. Most of his work is populated by hyper-unreal depictions of murder, sex and dismemberment, comic/horrific figures engaged in acts of disembowelment, degradation and desecration while piles of body parts are splattered with simulated bodily fluids – much like the Ninja Turtle video! In the last two years he has exhibited alongside artists including: Andy Warhol, Keith Haring, Jake and Dinos Chapman, Chris Ofili, Paul Noble, George Condo, Stella Vine and Olaf Breuning.

Sexualpedia Part 3: Why Do I Like Large Breasts?

Sexualpedia is an open-ended series of articles that will explain the source of many common erotic interests using neuroscience, biology, and online behavioral data.

We will kick off our Men’s Sexualpedia with the Mother of All Male Sexual Interests: busty porn. Large breasts are the fourth most popular sexual interest in searches on Dogpile, after youth, gay, and MILFs. In our list of the 42,337 most popular adult sites in the world (in 2010), 1,672 were devoted to breasts (about 4%)—more than any other erotic interest other than “youth,” “amateurs,” and “gay.” “Busty” was the second most common descriptive word in heterosexual adult sites (only teen was more common), appearing in sites like Busty Island, Busty Nurses, Busty Schoolgirls, Busty Elders, Busty and Dusty. Breasts are among the top 10 sexual searches in every country we looked at, including cultures as diverse as Russia, India, Japan, Italy, and Nigeria.

Big Bust Montage

Here is one boob-lover’s abbreviated search history from AOL:

User #: 5841450

giant tits

giant boobs

giantjuggs

super tits

super huge boobs          

boobies

mongohugetits

megga tits

motorcycle mufflers

tities

jumbojuggs

So why are breasts so universally popular? There may be two biological reasons. The anatomy that men find attractive—breasts, hips, butts, feet, as well as feminine facial features—are all influenced by the same molecule: estrogen. Estrogen is sensitive to a woman’s energy and health. Unhealthy and underfed women produce less estrogen and therefore may not be able to bear children, or may bear unhealthy children. A woman’s estrogen level indicates if she is getting enough to eat, if she’s infested with parasites, how much stress she’s experiencing. The same way that our taste for sweetness guides us to sugar, which in turn provides us with energy, male visual cues guide men to estrogen, which in turn provides men with improved chances of healthy offspring.

The first is a specific kind of female-only fat called gynoid fat. Gynoid fat support the energy demands of pregnancy and lactation. Gynoid fat is only used during childbearing, whereas android fat—possessed by both men and women—is used for everyday energy needs. Android fat accumulates in the trunk, abdomen, and internally. Gynoid fat is stored in the hips, butt, thighs—and breasts.

Levels of gynoid fat in breasts positively predict all aspects of female lifetime reproductive capacity, including conception probability, probability of successful pregnancy, and offspring quality. Breast size is not correlated with milk production, though gynoid fat is correlated with lactation quality.

Another relevant biological concept is asymmetrical fitness. Though evolutionary theory predicts that the average trait in a population (such as breast size preference) should evolve towards the value that maximizes fitness (in this case, a breast preference that provides a man with an eye for the most promising sexual partners), sometimes there is a more of a fitness dropoff on one side of the average than the other. Before modern health and nutrition, a woman with slightly larger than average breasts was more likely to be healthy and fertile than a woman with slightly smaller than average breasts. Thus, men may have inherited an asymmetric preference for larger-than-average over smaller-than-average. In addition–and perhaps most potently, from a biological perspective–full and firm breasts are associated with youth, the single most powerful innate sexual cue for men.

Even in cultures with women whose average breast size are smaller than the world average—such as China and Japan—men actively seek out pornography featuring women with large breasts. It’s worth mentioning that in preliterate aboriginal cultures, such as the Amazonian Yanomamo, men do not commonly fetishize breasts; however, in these cultures a twenty-two-year-old’s breasts often resembles a Western forty-year-old woman’s breasts. In modern societies, dramatically improved nutrition, health, and fitness mean that women can maintain firm, youthful breasts well into adulthood. It’s also worth considering that among gay men, men’s chests are very popular and often fetishized.

SmallBreast

Though large breasts are more popular than small breasts, many men are erotic aficionados of small breasts. The Web sites Flat Chested Coeds, Sexy Small Boobs, and I Love Small Tits all celebrated less endowed women. In Japan, a woman with small breasts is called “Delicious Flat Chest” or DFC, and there are many popular animated DFC characters, such as Sailor MoonLina Inverse, Konata from Lucky Star, and JajanakaNagi from Kannagi: Crazy Shrine Maidens. A-list and A-cup movie stars Keira Knightley and Kate Hudson also have devoted male followings.

In our sexual search data, there are dozens of synonyms for “large” breasts—busty, big, gigantic, monster, huge, massive, ginormous—while there are only three common synonyms for small breasts—small, tiny, petite. There are also a relatively small number of men who are aroused by the site of extremely large breasts, with adult sites devoted to GG or HH cups.

Though there seems to be a cross-cultural preference for larger breasts, the preferred size of a woman’s areola seems to be highly variable. One cross-cultural study found that men inPapua New Guinea preferred large areolae, Samoan men preferred slightly smaller areolae, and New Zealand men preferred medium-sized areolae. Overall, men seem to place much greater emphasis on the size of nipples and areolas (the bigger the better, generally), rather than their color, as can be seen in this list of the most frequent “nipple” adjectives in our sexual search data:


If you find yourself compulsive searching for busty ladies, most likely you inherited a human male biological predisposition that made you pay attention to breasts sometime before age 12 and 22, a predisposition based upon the childbearing-health-indicating gynoid fat of women’s breasts. Asymmetric fitness made you more likely to pay attention to larger than average breasts, and if this curiosity during your formative years was reinforced by a strong visual—or tactile—experience, then it was more likely to stick. On the other hand, if you had a formative sexual experience with small breasts, that could very likely have tilted your preference in the opposite direction.

One thing is fairly certain: if you’re under 25 and obsessed with large breasts, you’ll probably still find them beguiling when you’re 50.

 

Dr. Ogi Ogas received his PhD in computational neuroscience from Boston University and was a Department of Homeland Security Fellow. His writing has been published in the Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Wired, Baltimore Magazine, and Seed.  He used his knowledge of cognition to reach the million dollar question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and battle Ken Jennings in the finals of Grand Slam.

Sexualpedia Part 2: Sexual Homunculi

Sexualpedia is an open-ended series of articles that will explain the source of many common erotic interests using neuroscience, biology, and online behavioral data.

What lady parts do men find most beguiling? What pieces of male anatomy intrigue women the most? To answer these questions, we turned to our data.

To gain insight into male desires, we counted the number of times that men included different pieces of female anatomy in their sexual searches on Dogpile. (We also counted the number of times that pieces of male anatomy were included in searches for gay sexual content on Dogpile.) Then we gave the resulting frequencies to the graphic artists at Boy Meets Hero and asked them to draw us a pair of “sexual homunculi.”

If you’ve ever taken a psychology course, you probably recall the “sensory homunculus” in the chapter about perception. This big-lipped fellow shows the different anatomical divisions of the primary somatosensory cortex, with pieces of anatomy sized according to how much cortical real estate they each take up in our brain. It shows that we have a lot of sensation in our hands and tongue.

Similarly, the sexual homunculus has anatomy that is sized according to how often men search for each body part. The female sexual homunculus features the lady anatomy that men search for. You could perhaps say that this is how the typical male sexual brain perceives women.The male sexual homunculus features male anatomy sized according to how frequently gay men search for each part. You might say that this is how the typical gay male sexual brain perceives men. Keep in mind that the proportionality is only approximate, since it was rendered through an artist’s interpretation of our data and he informed us that “it’s difficult to supersize someone’s butt while keeping their adjacent anatomy normal looking.”

To discern women’s interest in male anatomy, we turned to the romance novel. We analyzed the text of more than ten thousand romance novels published from 1983 to 2008 (including erotic novels) to determine the most common descriptions of the hero’s physical appearance. Here are the seven most frequently mentioned pieces of masculine anatomy:

  1. cheekbones
  2. jaw
  3. brows
  4. shoulders
  5. forehead
  6. waist
  7. hips

If we wished to describe the ideal-looking hero, we could use the most common two-word physical descriptions: the perfect hero boasts blue eyes, a straight nosehigh forehead, and square jaw together making a handsome face. His head is framed by dark hair which accents the white teeth in his sensual mouth curved into a crooked smile. He stands tall with broad shoulders, a broad chestnarrow waistflat stomachstrong armsbig handsbig feet, and long legs—though the heroine’s eye might ultimately be drawn to his powerful thighs. We are still awaiting a romance hero homunculus, though we aren’t quite sure what a crooked smile looks like.

There’s one notable difference between the female sexual brain and the gay male sexual brain: in the hundred most common physical descriptors used to describe the romance hero, there is no synonym for penis.

Dr. Ogi Ogas received his PhD in computational neuroscience from Boston University and was a Department of Homeland Security Fellow. His writing has been published in the Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Glamour, Wired, Baltimore Magazine, and Seed.  He used his knowledge of cognition to reach the million dollar question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and battle Ken Jennings in the finals of Grand Slam.